I really hate life. I hate having so many problems with no solutions. I hate how screwed up the world is. I hate how terrible humanity is. I want happiness. I want love. It feels like they might not even exist and people just perpetuate some false ideology of them. I really hate. I hate how I was forced into life without any say or any want for this. I hate not knowing anything useful. I hate that no one does but people still choose to have children and perpetuate life for some reason. I feel like Pandora's box but without the hope. I really don't understand how anyone wants to live. It makes it seem like I'm missing something extremely obvious that everyone else must be seeing. Like everyone sees a light but I'm sitting in complete darkness. I try to flip the light switch on but it doesn't even exist. I have to be missing something because life is really not worth it. Not worth all this suffering and pain. Not worth having all of these problems. Maybe this is my personal he//. Has to be. It definitely feels like it. I completely open up to people and they act like I haven't. Like there's supposed to be more. Like I'm not trying. Like I'm too much of a burden. Too problematic. I hate it. Life can't be worth all of this pain. Nothing can. I keep trying but keep failing. Keep taking steps forward and ending back where I started. It's not worth it. Some people say life gets better when you're older. Even if that's true, it's complete bullsh1t. You're telling me I get forced into life, have to suffer for decades, then maybe things will be better? Insanity. I tell people I'm tired. They tell me I should try to sleep. It doesn't help because that's not the kind of tired I am. I'm tired of people, of trying, of life, of pain, of problems, of everything. And it's not going to end until I die. But wait, can't even do that because of my anxiety and how much I care about how people would be effected by my death, even though I shouldn't. It's one big cosmic joke. Neverending. My personal he//. I'm so tired of everything.
Not sure if you've talked about dx at all -have you been thru any kind of therapy? What gives your brain a decent dopamine hit? Also: What's your Myers /Briggs Personality ? (1 of 16 types).
Could you possibly be very introverted- like an INFJ? -the rarest type -extremely Hypersensitive, sensing BS from other humans a MILE away?
You can look at it as life totally sux. You're here now, you're in IT. It is a hard acceptance -I get that. I have found a few good humans. Do they have faults -g*d YES, we all do. You have to sift out the traits you're willing to balance and endure if you are interested in hanging out with anyone.
We live in a very complicated world. You might need to find some mentors. Ask for help. If you can't find humans than maybe it's worth a shot in the dark to look to the Universe to send Help...everybody has a spirit guide or 2. Do some Reiki Healing sessions to unblock bad chaukras within you. Find a healer.
@Littlesis7 I’ve tried therapy for a while, I can’t remember what my personality type is.