I recently found out my husband has been taking to another man for the 2nd time. The first time we had only been married for a few months and he said he was just curious and nothing happened. I'm feeling so hurt and betrayed. I think he is cheating on me and I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him again!
talking to? talking inappropriately? Trying to get a bead on what might be happening. Has he been hiding this from you? Very sorry you are struggling with this. welcome to the group.
@jamyes talking about sending pics of genitals. And yes he’s been hiding this from me… iemaddrox2020
your post says "talking to another man" did you mean Woman?
i'm just trying to sort out the situation.
Regardless, it's important for you to realize that these behaviours are not your fault and that you communicate to him that they aren't acceptable. My advice is to take some time and figure out what you want out of this situation?
- out of the marriage?
- improvement from him on the behaviors?
If you decide to stay in the marriage, he needs to participate in some discussions about why this is happening and the finer points of why he's making terrible decisions. Just promising "it will never happen again" is not enough.
I'll keep you in my thoughts. It's not an easy road.
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@jamiemaddrox2020
It’s been very hard to deal with and yes, it was another man. Thank you for your responses, I’ve been contemplating divorce
I hope you'll be able to solve this issue.
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Your husband is most probably gay, Do yourself and your him a favor and set yourselves free.
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@Findingme56
Loss of trust is the worst thing possible in a relationship. It's really hard to fix it and it takes a lot of time.
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Put yourself first and kick him to the curb after you question him with proof!! You deserve better than this pos!!
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@Girlpowers I agree.
First let's be clear there is a huge difference between bi and gay. We love labels more than ever in America yet often have no idea what they really mean. If Sweetie's husband is sexually attracted to both he's bi however if he simply has no interest in women at all he's gay.
This man should have discussed his sexual interests with his wife long before exchanging pics etc. Almost everyone has a degree of bisexuality and many wives are understanding (sometimes even accepting of it) if honest frank discussions are engaged. In this case sounds as though this guy dropped the ball big time.
So to conclude , what's needed in their situation is open honest and frank discussions about their sexual proclivities and how to proceed thereafter. Sexuality is not the clear cut " label " but often complicated and multi-layered .
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@Guzpla2
He did totally drop the ball. And when I confront him about him talking to these men. He just says he gets curious sometimes , but he keeps hiding it from me . I think he is bisexual and I wish he would have been upfront with me in the very beginning. Now I don’t trust him , it’s gone.
I only hope that you'll consider every alternative before simply throwing in the towel and simply giving up, that is , if until now you have loved loved each other. Love itself is so very difficult to find even harder to nourish in these treacherous times and by all means worth fighting for.
If he's hiding it from you that is a fear based action so he's afraid of your reaction(s) to his openly expressing his interest in experimenting. I've seen exchanges between many guys expressing how they'd love to be open to their wives but fearful of blowing up their marriage/relationship when they tell theirsignificant other things they'd like to try. Some of it in truth comes from a twisted society that seems to frown on male bisexuality and celebrate even encourage female bisexuality , go figure but so it is.
How about you? Would you have been accepting had he been forthright from the beginning? A tall order yes I know, but a timely question at this juncture.
The great heart to heart discussion needs to happen and hopefully soon in order to get all this out on the table and clear away the cobwebs. Often the light of day serves to shrink some problems down to size. I hope you're able to see the value of that.
I've known some people who have either explored, accepted, or realized their sexuality during marriage and not prior. of course I don't know your husband so I'm not sure which scenario was his or if he meant bad intentions, but there were clearly some signs from you said that he was (at the very least) "curious" early on in y'all's marriage. Some of the people I've known on the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual side of the marriage have carried out their marriage to this day but it's clearly a miserable marriage. With that same token, people can't force other people into polyamory or wanting to be married to multiple people. It seems from your perspective that you have devastated (reasonably so) from your husband talking to other men and cheating as well. Personally, I believe that y'all should get a divorce (legally) and split during the meantime since divorce does take a while to carry out in courts. You don't deserve anyone who wants to cheat on you now or in the future.
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Hi Sweetie2. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through that. I know people have differing opinions on that subject. As for me, when I was married, if I found out my wife was doing something like that, I think I would feel just like you. Trust would be an issue, especially if this is the second time? Your husband hid something because he knew he was doing something you didn't like. When people hide something like that, there is a chance that they are hiding more or will hide more. If you want to write, feel free to support me. I'll do the same.
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@sgl72It’s obvious he was aware Sweetie wouldn’t like what he was doing. It’s also apparent he’s either very bi curious or bisexual according to statements above.
The quality of their relationship ,that is, from the inside looking out, is something we know nothing about nor should we. Therefore I won’t throw around the “d” word like it’s “small change” nor will I turn it into a full scale assault on the man’s character, who really knows what this guy is like other than this particular incident ? 99% of the time my experience suggests that most men who do have a bi curious side to their sexuality feel compelled to keep it a secret from everyone even wives for that matter because of things exactly like what’s been described here. Social constructs, moral imperatives laid out by institutional bias etc. have made life very challenging indeed . Fast forward to the present where in most cases it’s fine to be bi online but still horrible to be bi in real life. Closets are crowded places for bi curious and bisexual men.
I remain convinced that the best thing for these two is a very frank no holes barred eye to eye discussion getting everything out on the table is the most important first step in dealing with such a crises before making any rash decisions. Ideally it would have been best for him to tell her of his bi leanings early during the formation of their relationship to gauge how she feels about it but that wasn’t to be so the present day leaves only a few options unfortunately.
I do wish the very best to both of them realizing in full the anguish they may have at this moment.