I have made mistakes. I am not perfect. But I have given my heart and soul to a group of people that will no longer even speak to me since I left after 19 years.
I am hurt, pissed, confused and untrustworthy.
Then 4 months later my best friend, my Dad died. Unexpected, horrible accident. Bull ****...
Emptiness is what now fills my days. Anger, dissapointment,wonder as to what I did so horrible that ones could forget all I gave for so many years.
Is it just over? Guess I should be thankful that I got so many good years of family dinners and little feet to play with>?
Miss being a part, part of a family. Anybody out there left that feels the same??
yes I understand in some ways. I was an only child of abusive parents and the only person I loved was my grandmother. She died when I was 15. I am 54 and divorced twice, currently married again. I sometimes feel wierd because I have no family except for my two sons who I love with all my heart and soul. My youngest is troubled in the army and has issues with me I dont deserve. Someone else caused it and I have told him to make it right. Mostly I have my older son, he still lives at home which is ok with me. I recently was betrayed by my one close friend of 44 yrs. I dont trust people. But to the point, no its not over at 39 any more than its over for me at 54. It is never over as long as there is breath in our bodies and we can think and feel. You never know what may be around the corner for you, I am so sorry you lost your dad, especially that way. All that trauma it can bury you. I have lived through a lot of pain but ultimately I am glad to still have a life, I learned to like solitude to some extent. But there are so many ways to meet people, and as I said many of us start over much older than you.
Please hang in there, take it slow allow yourself to grieve its not pleasant but it needs to be done or you keep things inside like an infection. At your age there is so much possiblity for you, dont give up.
take care and I dont know if I was any help but I am always around every few days or more if you need someone to talk to.
good luck to you