I relapsed really hard into my sex addiction. I am incontro

I relapsed really hard into my sex addiction. I am incontrol of all my actions and I made choices that not only were destructive to my progress. But to everyone I care about. I started back into porn use and cheating through hookup sites and social media. I gave money to scammers and was talking or trying to talk to a lot of people. Try to hookup because ultimately, I wanted that more than my 17 year long relationship with my wife, and going home everyday and seeing my kids. I sacrificed it all for a little of nothing. And the kicker is I couldn't pay any of them to actually meet up. I am trying to get into a sex addiction and intimacy disorder inpatient program. But holy hell they are a lot. The cheapest one I found was 45000, so I've heard of nonprofits that help people through these programs. If anyone knows of any please let me know.

Your first step to recovery is exactly this, being open about it and k owing that you need help. I am so proud of you for taking the steps you already have started to take, for your lifetime recovery. And you k ow with out a doubt , I am always here for you.

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@Tropicalstorm I do know that. Your post brought an instant smile to.my face. Thank you

Update. I actually found one that is 24000 and I've already for 2000 in pledges. That's something

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it's good to know you found somewhere you can potentially go. It's maybe fascinating to explore or keep a log of why you want to use or want to hook up? What exactly is it? Is it excitement, is it you need an open relationship, is it that you are bored in your current relationship or life? Is it that you feel depressed and this helps you distract yourself? You may get some help you need from a complete sessions of cognitive behavioral therapy, which might address the underlying issues. It could be that you could start to go for walks in the sun, or request your partner to put a password on your laptops that you dont know to stop your addiction to tech in general. We are bombarded by images of sexualized women on social media so it prob doesnt help. Try to join a club or something else like that, where you can hang out with people doing things like making something art, metal projects, or shoveling snow for neighbors. Try going skiing or snowboarding or try extreme sports. Ypu may just be really feeling lonely or bored and need to find that excitemrnt some other way.

@Blueberries1234 thank you for your comment. I was a victim of sex abuse as a child for a few years. Had almost like a relationship with my much older cousin. And have been using porn and dissociation for longer than I can remember. Now if I feel any sort of way I want to use it or hook up or whatever. My therapists have both felt I’m trying to fill that void of what I think is my first real love. And the desertion I faced. But Idk, I just have to push harder and fight harder, and not fall back.