Well I couldn't make it through the day. I'm really disappointed in myself. I took my kids to a party and ended up leaving them there b/c it got too kid-krazy and most of the other parents dropped their kids off as well. I realized I had a lot of "empty time" on my hands. I decided to get a frozen yoghurt... mistake #1 b/c it didn't stop there. Then I felt guilty b/c I wasn't hungry and it was a bit bigger than I needed to then I went to Sonic and ordered up the menu and it was all downhill from there.
I noticed that I b/p a lot when I have the opportunity to do so -- privacy and alonetime.. Had my children been with me there is no way I would have been able to get away with it.
Anyhoo, I'm disappointed. I hope I can stop here... but somehow once you start there's that "URGE" to continue.
Does anyone know what chemically happens to your body that makes you want to continue throwing up once you throw up??? I don't get it.
Hoping to begin a new series of non b/p behavior after this episode...
Disappointed and feeling guilty...
Caroline
You have 8 days of momentum to pick yourself back up. So what if you slipped, as the twelve step people say. "you didn't get sick overnight, you don't get well over night. Fight that sucker.
I will too, even though I've let myself down, I am not giving up. I can't wait to be clear headed and even. I think chemically we get clouded and hungry when we binge and purge.
The great thing is our bodies do regulate pretty fast when we let our self eat and digest.
Hang in there, those days free weren't for nothing.
Love,
Patsy
Thanks Patsy… I really need the continued encouragement. Today was an especially bad day. I don’t know WHY I do this to myself. I’ve got to get it together. I feel bloated, stuffed, and exhausted. This is such a sickening disease. I just want to S T O P. I’ll report later in the week. One problem is that there is always lots of “free” food at work and “food events” etc. Once I feel like I’ve eaten “bad food” or overeaten its downhill from there - -its a total binge fest followed by vomiting… Can’t seem to control it.
I’ll continue posting/reading/learning and hopefully pick myself back up.
Thanks so much and best wishes your way in your journey.
Caroline
You should be proud of yourself Caroline!! Eight days without binging and purging is SUCH a big step you should be nothing but happy with yourself.
I know it's hard to see anything but your slip when it happens, but just remember how far you've come. It takes little steps, and you're doing so great so far.
Have you ever thought of joining any classes to keep you busy in your free time? What are your hobbies? I love to do art and it really helped me.
What I may suggest, is that if you find yourself on the way to Sonic, go to a park instead and take a nice long walk. Take in the nature and see how nice the world can be. Keep a book in the car too so you can read if you want, even if it's in the parking lot. Just distract yourself. Tell yourself NO. Sometimes I'd scream it to myself till the thoughts went away...it worked too.
Again, I'm so happy for you and I know you can do it again :)
-Paige
Thanks Paige! You are right that I should be thankful for those 8 days. I’ve got to get my life in order. Those days I felt better, looked better, rested better - why can’t I just STICK to that normal routine? I put another post to the group to update them on my behavior. I am hoping the next time I write I have a good report… I’ve got to tell myself one day at a time. Life is NOT a rehearsal. I am destroying myself… 20 years of b/p.
Please update me on you for motivation. 
Caroline.
