I still can't believe this happened...
if you want to talk about it we are here for you
1 Heart
Thank you!
@Gettingoverd! If you'd like to tell us a little more about what happened, maybe we can offer some support. There are many caring and understanding people on here, so please let us know how we can help....
I wrote this in a post earlier today...
I am a 57 year old professional woman who just got caught in the trap of a narcissist (it can happen at any age). A few months ago, I received a message by a “friend” on facebook. He was someone I went to junior high and high school with and we had been friends on facebook for about four years. We occasionally made comments on each other’s page, but that was the extent of it. After his initial message, we started writing back and forth frequently. One thing lead to another and before I knew it, I broke up with my partner of 12 years and got totally engrossed in this relationship with D… texting, emailing, talking on the phone for hours. It felt like a dream-come-true. I truly thought this person was “sent from above”. He seemed like the perfect person – poetry, music, life goals, philosophies – all the same. He lives in a city about 300 miles from me, so we planned on him coming to town. I got two hotel rooms (not wanting to be presumptuous). Everything was going along great and then, two days before his expected arrival) I received an email from him telling me all of his “skeletons.” One of those skeletons was that he has some sexual deviancies. Well, this revelation knocked me off my feet a bit, but I thought I was “in love” so I said that I would be open minded, but confessed that it freaked me out a little bit. The following day, I received an email saying that if he could overlook my appearance, I should be able to overlook his sexuality. Well, something in me rose up and I wrote back defending myself and asked him why he was being so unkind (I even said he was being rather “narcissistic” – before I really knew what that meant). I called him later in the day and he went into a full-blown RAGE. I tried to calm him down, but it escalated and he cancelled his trip to see me. He then blocked my number, withdrew from facebook, and wouldn’t answer my emails. I was feeling terrible about all of this and tried, again and again, to apologize and try to resolve the disagreement. I heard nothing from him for several days – the silent treatment. I was devastated! I finally received an email saying that he hated me and to leave him alone – he told me I was crazy. That was from the same person that said he wanted to marry me! That was two weeks ago. No resolution at all. I feel like I am going crazy! I am so glad I found this group. I am sorry for all of you who have been involved with someone like this for years – I know my experience was short, but it hurts so much! Adding insult to injury… many years ago, I was brutally raped, stabbed and left for dead (the rapist was later convicted and sentenced to death). All that trauma has come back to haunt me. I feel like I have been raped again. Full on PTSD, AGAIN! Sorry to be so long-winded. I know I will be okay, but I am having a very difficult time right now….
@Gettingoverd! First let me say, I'm sorry that I didn't see your original post, and thank you for taking the time to post it again. I'm also terribly sorry for the devastating experience that you've had recently. I can understand how that would trigger such a horrendous trauma from the past. I didn't know that much about narcissism until more recently, after joining this site, and reading a lot about it. Only then did I realize I'd been married to one for 30 years! It had been a very dysfunctional marriage and I felt trapped, with no way out for so many years. I had emotional issues -- OCD and depression, and no one in my family understood it, or even believed it was real. They blamed me for everything, and so I believed it was all my fault as well. When I met my ex-husband, he sort of took over the role of my family, and began to do everything for me, which fit with my dependency and low self-esteem. Everyone thought he could do no wrong, including me. The fact that I was miserable most of the time, because he was verbally and emotionally abusive, and extremely controlling, only confirmed my belief that it was all my fault -- he blamed me for everything, as I'd been used to all along. I never trusted my own feelings -- like I had no right to them. More recently, when I learned more about narcissism, I realized that he fit the profile. Fortunately, I got out of the marriage, but what I went through in figuring out how to survive, and live on my own, was such a life-changing trauma, that I can understand and relate to what you must be going through. One of the most important things I learned from my experience, is how much inner strength I really had, after believing I was weak, and as my mother used to say, unable to stand on my own two feet. I can tell from what you've said, that you're a strong and intelligent woman -- you'd have to be to have survived what you did in the past. I believe that strength will get you through now, too. But you do need support, so I'm very glad you've found this site. I hope it'll help you as much as it's helped me -- it's been life-changing for me, and I've learned so much. With all you've been through, you may want to consider seeing a therapist, if you haven't already. We're here to support you as much as you need, and I wish you the best....
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You have been so helpful. Thank you fot the words of encouragement. To add insult to injury, I now have a bsd case of shingles. STRESS!
1 Heart