I think i may be nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid/ somethin

I think i may be nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid/ something like that. For pretty much my whole early life, i wanted to be a boy, i was always a boy in all the games i played, etc. As i got older, i did get more in touch with my feminine side, but i still often feel masculine, or at least androgynous. I have never been bothered when someone called me a boy over my short hair or something. Actually, i kind of liked it. I am literally okay with any pronouns, she/he/they.. none bother me.

I also think i experienced a real dysphoric episode when i was trying on dresses before my sisters wedding.. We were shopping, and i felt horrible every time i looked in the mirror, like i was looking at a boy in girls clothes. My family all thought i was just being my usual, disliking shopping self, so they were joking around about it, but they didnt know about the dysphoria thing.. Also, sometimes ill put on a tight sports bra and a baggy shirt and just look in the mirror and see how much i can make myself look like a guy. I've never told this to any family member or friend in real life. Only a few people i know online, because of the anonymity.

anyway, on to the main issue i need to talk about. im still not even sure of my identity when it comes to gender. But when i was really drunk i think i might have told my boyfriend that i feel like a boy sometimes. I told him other stuff too, that he brought up later when we were sober, but he never said anything about the gender issue. Maybe he doesnt remember, or maybe i didnt say it at all (i was really drunk, memory is pretty hazy that night). But in any case, do you guys think i should bring it up with him? Or should i wait until im more sure of it myself? Weve been dating nearly 3 years (about half has been long distance, hes military.) We are very much in love. But i dont want to make him feel awkward around me. I dont think he would stop loving me, but if he felt uncomfortable around me i dont know what i would do, and it might have consequences in our relationship as time goes on. I also dont want to tell him i think im genderqueer and then later realize its something else? because retracting that would be pretty weird. Around him i actually usually feel more feminine than i ever do. Ive dont think ive ever felt like a boy when i was with him. At the most ive felt androgynous. but its still an issue in my everyday life. Any advice would be appreciated.. Is it wrong if i just keep this to myself?

As long as you are okay with who you are, who needs labels, I would be honest with your boyfriend in pictures, and expressing how you are struggling with your identity. Again, though, you are you and it sounds like in life you are being you, you are just struggling with the name tags labels if you will.

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@CKarma Thanks for your response. sorry i didnt see it until now, i dont always seem to get notified of comments for some reason

I think you may be right that im simply struggling with labels. Its difficult for me, because on one hand, i know who i am to myself, and for my personal identity i dont need labels. But i also feel like if i dont come up with some label for myself, i wont fit in anywhere.