I think I might be dealing with depression. I'm afraid to se

I think I might be dealing with depression. I'm afraid to see a doctor for it, because if I am diagnosed with it awful things would happen to the people I love. My mother would feel like she failed me. My father would regret leaving. My brother would no longer feel like he could rely on me. My sister would feel responsible for being in some way a burden to me. My friends would see me as broken, and my boyfriend wouldn't know what to do leaving him to question what exactly it is he loves about me. Actually everyone I love would begin to question what it is they love about me. At night I find myself stuck in this pit, sobbing my eyes out until I convince myself how stupid I'm being by acting this way.
Temporarily I knock out of it for maybe a day or two, and then I begin to cry again. I've noticed with all the time I've had after withdrawing from school, I've completely lost an interest in things, going places, seeing people. Even seeing people that used to make me so happy about being here at school somehow bring shame along with them. Even with no reason to believe this, I feel like people don't want to be around me anymore. Which is understandable. I haven't been much to be around. No one knows how sad I am lately, but they have noticed how sarcastic I've become. I don't even want to lay in the same bed with my boyfriend anymore. I feel like I owe him the truth about how lost I feel, but it seems useless since I'm moving and I don't think we'll last the distance. I don't even know why I'm moving. Much like tomorrow, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do.
I wish I could lay out under the stars every moment of my life, and not be bothered. It's too cold outside to do so however, and people will notice when I go missing. So I'm left with nothing but these four walls, a small twin sized bed, and a sister and boyfriend who have already been asleep for the last two hours.

go to a doctor see about getting help and you do not have to tell any one your being treated for depression but get treated for it..........the worst thing is to avoid and using others as a means to do so.......like I say it is your choice to tell others if your diagnosed with .........many people get treated for mental illness all the time and keep it private

@dare you got that right. you don’t need to tell people about it.

Dare is right. You shouldn't feel like you have to feel miserable.