I think I'm ready to die now

Okay so today my mom was yelling at me telling me how selfish and conceded I am and how I need to loose weight and wash my face more because it looks gross and to put more make-up on and stuff. And I get that she is stressed since my dad left and she has four kids to look after and she has to let it all out but she doesn't realize how much it hurts. How much I just want to kill myself because she deserves a better daughter who is prettier and more selfless and who has more talent and actually socially fits in. I just want to die, literally so she won't have to put up with worthless little me. This is the 3rd time I'm considering suicide this month. I know people say it will get better but right now I just barely have one friend, my dad ditched us for his twenty year old girlfriend, I'm trying my hardest to be a good role model for my brothers and sister but it would be better if I was gone because I'm NOT a good role model, my mom thinks I'm worthless and ugly, my crush (yes even depressed girls have one too) doesn't know I exsist, and these scars ALL over my body are becoming deeper and deeper and are spreading so tell me what do I have to live for?

3 Hearts

Ally please don't.
Mom is stressed. Its not right for her to talk that way even if she is upset herself.
I am a parent. I yell at times.
When i was young i told a young girl my sister (5 yrs younger) that she looked like a clown with her heavy make-up. I was a ****. I didn't see her for a few years.
She quit wearing make-up. I felt bad when i realized what i had done.
Maybe she doesn't know what she is doing.
Who's your crush?
Mike
:)
You are a wonderful person. You are my friend.
Stay alive...tomorrow may not be better...but it would be worse without you.

I'm sorry your mom is doing that to you. You're not the problem, she is. And honestly, even if you don't think you're being a good role model (i bet you're doing better than you think though, hearing crap like that from their mom would bring anyone down), just having you around is good for them. Losing a family member sucks. Particularly when you're young. The hole that leaves behind is terrible. You're saving them from that.

You have to live because you have not yet begun to live!

Life is tough sometimes and we are constantly pressured to forgive ourselves for one thing or another. Plus, those around us, those who never learned how to deal with pressure themselves, often pass it on to us in the form of off-loaded stress. Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do.

YOU also cannot imagine how much your brothers and sister will miss you and how their lives, as well as yours (obviously) would be permanently altered by suicide. It is never an option, as my wife and I were just discussing the Kamikaze bomber pilots of World War II last night, they volunteered to dive their planes onto American warships for all the wrong reasons. She tells me they were pressured by "peers" at that time, before we were calling them this I think, to do the honorable thing and stand beside their fellow pilot against impossible odds. But even more than that, the Emperor and other leaders of the military had the pilots convinced if Americans landed on Japanese soil the country and its thousand year old way of life would be literally, completely destroyed.

See, I believe there are all kinds of situations we think are "awful" or the "worst possible", but that there are often things that can be even worse. Unfortunately this is not something people learn until they acquire the wisdom of age and experience.

Life can be tough, but it is SO worth the effort! Find someone in your area to speak to in person as soon as you can; there are many sources of help and people sworn to lend a confidential ear. May I suggest telling them about the difficulties you are experiencing first, the life troubles with Mom (etc.) before you mention anything about hurting yourself. Tell them the details of ALL the things you feel pressured by, and all the things you feel disadvantaged by, and see how they relate to those experiences first.

I hope you will. I really hope and pray you will!

As I watch the evening news and see our soldiers pledging their lives for the freedoms and ideals Americans enjoy, only to come home badly wounded and deeply shocked at what they have witnessed, I know the price of living is **** steep some days. The risks we take, the risks you will take one day, are worth the reward and it is a reward that comes in the smiles of children you have not had yet, in their hugs, kisses and every little thing they do ~ not without you, with YOU.

MultiBeautifulHearts,

Your mom is giving you mixed messages. Thats enough to upset anyone. It's her stuff not yours.

YOur so young you haven't lived yet. Don't let her anger eat you alive.

I want you to think....
Suicide is a permanant answer to a temporary problem.

I wish I could just through this screen and just give you a hug!!

It breaks my heart to hear how your mother has been treating you. I understand she is also suffering and trying to cope with the situation, but she also needs some counseling that will help her to deal instead of degrade. You are much too precious to let go and regardless of what is said about you, always know you are loved, by God and by your brothers and sisters...and even by your mother. There is never an excuse to belittle and abuse anyone. The best thing you can do to help yourself is to seek counseling for yourself. Always know you are special and you would be missed beyond belief by your brothers and sisters if you left. Please find the strength to prevail and press on. Your life is so worth living and so many people need you. This will get better, just hang on to your siblings and let them love you. Pleas hang on.

I will let ya know, we all have acne at times, hell I break out all the time and im closer to 30 than 20. dieting isn't too important your body is still growing and hasnt become full what it will be. you cant be conceded and yet think your horrible and want to kill yourself so of course she is wrong on that end. she is stressed and taking it out on the closest person to her. in the end you will both realize the love you do have for eachother very much and she will most likely apologize for being horrible, if she doesnt then simply you dont have to forgive her. dont off yourself for the thoughts of others not even if they are from your mother. there is plenty of great life ahead of you that you will miss out on. your siblings also need you. you are important.

I am sorry that your mom is treating you like this. It is not your fault and it is not fair to you. Every person is beautiful including you! Have you tried to tell your mom how you felt about the situation? Maybe you two could talk with a mediator, someone who could help you both express your feelings in a healthy way.
Sending good thoughts your way! :)

Hi, well done for saying what you feel. That is a strength that you will find a huge asset - hindsight is 20 / 20 - when I still lived with my family of origin. I felt like you do so often. Since I had the opportunity to take ownership of my own life. Things got much better. If I could tell the little me, how much I would have missed out on, had I acted on these feelings of hopelessness and self loathing. Well, I know it would have been really hard for her to hear me. Keep talking and sharing and getting all the help and support you need to build yourself up. Some people say terrible things cause they do not know better or they so bitter, jealous or whatever... what people say is really about themselves. I wish you hope, courage and strength - cause all those things are needed to heal. I believe in you and I know you can do it. You probably thinking, wow, you do not know me and you say these things. Well, its just my belief in the meaning of life to make everything make sense as you go along. Through your suffering you may be able to help a great many people one day. You have to know pain, to recognize it in others and more to be able to sooth that agony. No matter what you do, your mothers words will hurt and for that I wish you the will to move through this time. You have a light in you that is destined to shine. The most beautiful people in the world become that way through many mistakes, many hard lessons and lots of pain. Somehow, all these things do make sense. In every bit of suffering is a gift. I hope you will keep finding yours

What a big burden for a teenager to be carrying!!! It is wonderful that you are able to come to this site and seek support. It can be so difficult in situations like this to know where you fit in, I mean being a teenager is hard by itself, throw it in with everything else and it seems impossible. It is not impossible and things can get better. I assure you that no one's life would be better if you weren't in it. Your mom's anger is likely a projection and you are the strongest target.
Always here to listen....

2 Hearts

My mom is similar to yours and I used to have the same mindset as you. I eventually came to the conclusion that if she, as a mother, can't accept the flaws I have, then it's her that doesn't deserve me. I understand that it may not be very easy to put yourself in that mindset, but maybe just give it a try?

1 Heart

First I want to say you are amazing and beautiful but most of all STRONG!!! It sounds like you have numerous things working against you and yet you are still here! You are still managing to get out of bed and face the world. This is something that your siblings admire in you. Throughout this whole thing when they get older they will be able to look back and say "My mom wasn't the greatest, and my dad was a selfish *****, but **** if my sister wasn't a freaking ROCK STAR!!!" Someone once told me that people who hurt, hurt other people and it sounds like this is exactly what your mother is doing. Lashing out to the next closest person to her in order to deal with her emotional baggage. It has NOTHING to do with you. High School is temporary. It's a small speck of the lifetime you have ahead of you. LIVE so you can get an education and find a career to help others like you not feel so alone. LIVE so that you can travel the world and see that there is life outside of your small town and city. LIVE so that you dont; deprive that special someone in the future of being able to fall in love with you and bask in their presence, because if you are not there then they will be forced to spend a lifetime alone. But most importantly, LIVE because you are unique!! There is not another person on this planet like you!! You need to make your stamp on the world. You need to share that MultiBeautiful Heart because it is indeed precious, pure and wonderful in all of it's glory. Popularity, beauty and being thin are NOT what identify who you are or you're worth! Kindness, generosity, loyalty, integrity, honesty and consideration are the things that truly matter. I encourage you to talk to someone, a school counselor maybe, to get help with these thoughts because they tend to not just "go away" on their own. Believe in yourself, and if you can't know that I believe in you!!! We may not know each other but I am a person who cares for you and I hope that counts for something. Love and positive wishes!! ~Cin

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Hey...I have often been driven to contemplate suicide because of my mom's actions...have frequently hurt myself for the same reasons...I am probably double your age, and my mother still makes me feel the same....although I am not as self-destructive. This just tells me that they have the problem; our mothers, not us...Please hang in there!

@CinR That was so freaking beautiful. I could not have said it better. I may sound like another guy on the internet and I may possibly never get to meet you, but MultiBeautifulHearts, you are beautiful. I'm HIV+ and I don't even know how long I have. You just have to live for YOU!. Treat everyday like a gift. Try to construct some strategies to cope and ignore the pain. I had to and still do. If you need someone to talk to, I'm right here beside you. I will not let another friend go down and out. I will pick you up and through that finish line, because girl, you're story isn't finished yet. And I would love to hear\read the rest of it.

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