I think that my viewing porn for so long has really damaged my attitude and expectations about sex.
I really start to get insecure when my wife and I don't have sex regularly... and as we get older, that will only get harder to manage.
I also have huge expectations about when we do have sex that I have to perform to a certain level. I almost can't just relax and enjoy myself.
And I know this all puts a lot of pressure on my wife. I have not spoken to her directly about this. or at least not in it's entirety.
Hey, thanks for posting about this topic and your experience. You show a keen insight, sounds like you were looking for help. I think it’s incredible that you’ve spoken to your wife about this a little bit. I don’t want to frighten you, but you’ve probably looked up this information, anyway. Porn addiction/sex addiction are real things, and help exists for them. Have you connected with a therapist or counselor? You can find one who specializes in sex of pornography addiction, and this would be an excellent place to continue your business of discovery and healing. Of course, there are also sex addict anonymous groups you may want to explore/witness in pursuit of more clarity. Take care of yourself now, as you’re finding yourself disturbed. It sounds like you are ready for the next step.
Talk to her, sex should be something we can openly discuss, what she wants, how she views all this. If it is a problem from her perspective too, seeking sex therapy can be a really good idea. You can even do it as telehealth if there isn't a sex therapist locally or if going in person isn't something you feel comfortable with.
Porn does that. They even did an episode on Friends about this. Unrealistic expectations of myself and my (potential) partner adds so much anxiety to sex for me. It's weird to say I'm a sex addict who is paranoid and terrified of sex, but it's wholly true for me, because of porn.
@Loveovercomes I think the unrealistic expectations is my key issue.
I don’t think I am necessarily addicted to sex, but I think I have some issues with it. I use sex as a barometer for how good our relationship is, which is dangerous. While sex is one factor, there are so many others.