I thought it would be ok this wknd but turned out...no. The

I thought it would be ok this wknd but turned out...no. The holiday just drove home how lost I am without certain fam mbrs...absolutely abandoned. Just about every one of these holidays is turning into something to dread...I'm not having much luck 'working thru it'. I want to feel hope again.

Holidays are hard, family events are hard. I find just cooking for a holiday hard, I don't need a bunch of family around to make the day more exhausting. Sorry it was a hard weekend, but I get it.

@CKBlossom thanks, I’m trying to refocus my efforts by disconnecting from the pain but really am feeling loss. I am a part time caregiver as well and that direction often has very little to give back.
Social anxiety can cripple us in venturing out to ‘find your tribe’ plus, the pandemic destroyed a lot of relationships.
Maybe tomorrow will begin new…

When I am living the life I want.. that is when I will attract my tribe! I was before I had to move and I moved to the wrong place. So .. I am making the best of it. Then in one year .. I relocate and start again. Hopefully I am moving to the right place. Still investigating.. where we live matters. A lot! I live in a trash can stink hole! It is terrible!

@LollyNews Sorry to hear that. I just endured a ‘trash can stink hole’ for a long time an thought i’d never get out of there. I am very keen on my environment mattering to me every single day so it was baaaaad. I have now moved on but feel that this new place -although better, is probably not going to be my ‘forever’ home.
Good to hear you have a plan.