I told MH recently that I feel I have to guard myself (my heart) from him. He stated to me during this conversation that will get us no where. Is anyone else experiencing this? Should I not have my guard up? I really wish this process was over. Some days I ask myself why am I trying to work this out? I am exhausted both mentally and emotionally. Just wondering if anyone else is going through this. I am only 4 months from dday. Well...almost.
My guard is up, and the few times it's fallen have sent me into a downward spiral. Like yesterday we were talking about some things to do differently with next summer's garden. And then for a few hours i was WAY low because i can't see into next week muich less next summer.
Guard up- exhausting like you say, but if I'm still raw enough that a stupid remark about tomato plants crushes me, it's what i need.
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@hbt I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. MH talks about plans for December for our Anniversary but I can't even (like you said) see past this week. I don't think they understand the fear we are dealing with. Thanks for sharing your experience. I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same issue.
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I'm right there with you guys. I'm approaching my four month mark too since Dday. Sometimes we talk about the future like we used to and I almost have this overwhelming sense of anxiety like I can't picture it anymore like I used to. Sometimes it makes me really uncomfortable to talk or even think about the future when things are so up in the air. I think I'm still some what in a mental fog because half the time I can't even remember what day of the week it is. Totally on the same page with you guys, it kind of sucks!
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@lizziem333 I agree. Anxiety is a good word to use. I feel the same way. I think...man how can we talk about plans for the future when I can't even get through the day w/o feeling overwhelmed or anxious about what happened. I think a lot of my anxiety is coming from us talking about me coming back home. I am sooooo scared. Most days I feel like I want that and I am ok but what about the bad days I still occasionally have? I did take some of my belongings back to the house to help the situation. I know it is going to come up in our next therapy session.
@Ariel7890 As usual wise insight. I didn't think of it that way. I definitely didn't think I was being brave. I was only focusing on my inability to let him back into my heart. I know he really struggles with this and wishes things could just go back to normal. I wish that also but I know it will be a long time before that will happen. He wasn't really pressuring me he just made a comment that I seem distant sometimes. That's what started the conversation. we were actually able to talk about it w/o starting a fight which was really good. We have had a few in depth conversations lately that I think were healthy. Maybe we are slowly getting there.
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