I took a bath today. It felt so good. A friend had bought

I took a bath today. It felt so good. A friend had bought me one of those bath pillows so I was enjoying that as well. I was in there, was so peaceful. Things were getting deeper and deeper. I had the thought that me passing with such peaceful bliss would be such a treat. Just let me move on from this experience.

I then awoke, reinvigorated with pruning fingers and water temp equilibrated. I've been emotionally, physically and mentally overwhelmed the past few days and feel like it's just the beginning.

Secretly, I long to shed this body and be within a nourishing womb. To be forgiven for my transgression and carry forth the momentum I've built up. For whatever happens, I'm here to serve and give up myself. Whatever material-physical joys and pleasures are ephemeral tricks, ensnaring one and making the journey a heavier one. What an unfortunate inconvenience to snag the tempting bait of empty nectar. Like those who are addicted to high fructose corn syrup sugar rather than being fulfilled by regular, more natural sugars.

When I think of the void, the nothingness, the purity of stillness I am so happy. When I first got hsv, I thought I would never comfortably be able to be there again. And I have been preoccupied w various ventures but I can sit back there and be with that bliss. And then back here I am. It's temporary. It's ok. Try not to do anymore damage. It's not over. This is your boot camp for the next chapters in your life.

If a cure happens then great. The more I think about it the less hopeful I get. I do believe in the miraculous so I don't dismiss a cure. But there are higher things to be working on that won't disappear or diminish w age. Some go their entire life looking outward and never finding the answers that're found within the silence of one's heart/mind/soul.

It is good to be in a place where all the problems of the world disappear. I know going on holidays relieves me of all the mental torture i put myself through.