I tried to go to detox this weekend and ended up having a terrible reaction to Suboxone. I left and wandered around the ghetto upstate until I could get a bus ticket home. I was 5 hours away and had $40 to my name. I bought some bullshit dope off a stranger. Not caring if it was a hot bag or if he was going to try and rob or assault me. I needed to feel better ASAP. This addiction has taken myself from me. My boyfriend who uses broke up with me because I left detox. But the last time he even felt remotely dope sick was months ago and not 48 hours with nothing and then hit with precipitated withdrawal twice in one day. I'm looking to get back on the methadone clinic and he at least isn't hanging me out to dry, he's making sure I have at least 3-4 bags a day so I'm not sick. All my luggage is still upstate and I was supposed to leave on a bus this morning to get it but of course had a massive anxiety attack. I'm a mess in so many ways and I'm tired of it. My birthday is soon and I'll be 30. I'm 30 with nothing to show for a life except a junkie and a depressed, foolish, lonely woman. Life has not turned out how I ever thought it would. It's 200% worse. Dealing with co-occuring disorders with no friends or boyfriend now, I'm lost and confused. I feel like a stain on humanity. There used to be so much strength and hope inside of me. Now I'm empty. I'm pathetic.
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Hmmm I'm not sure what to say. All I can offer is a ear I will support you so can message me a talk if you need to
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How are you doing have not heard from you in awhile just checking on you. xo
@Jennipain I’m alright I suppose. Numb just hanging in there. Thank you for your concern and cares xoxo hope all is well with you
You are important and have a job to do in this world. God doesn't make people for failure. Keep praying for more power and strength.
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@Veronica47 Thank you. I am trying. I hope my life purpose is revealed to me soon.