I truly feel for anyone going though it. I'll share where I am at four years later. I am more at peace than when I was married. I can tell you that, but the biggest unexpected hurt comes from my detachment from my children. My ex's family has for years belittled my children when they do things that remind them of me (e.g. "your dad use to hold his fork like that... stop it". They faced this from 9-12 and it has left deep emotional impact. My daughter is still close to me but my son has distance himself. I have no history of abuse (physical, drug or otherwise) I tried be a good role mode, but wasn't always perfect.... My son isn't even really mine. I adopted him after learning three months into the relationship she was pregnant (I know it incredibly bad of decision that was in retrospect, but I did it because I loved her.. Now I'm left with a child that was told without me around that I was not his dad). I've had three relationships post divorce and they've all pointed out how incredible stupid it was of me to do that and I believe wholeheartedly they are all right about that.... Ex-wife also abuse kids in other ways that are not life threatening so Child Protective Service will do nothing (flee bites all up my daughters leg, step son who is has been lied to enough to hate me has been in this hospital three times for not properly caring for his juvenile diabetes). Two teachers from separate school districts contacted CPS and I did as well. They interviewed her and closed the case. She had no idea I reported her and was joking about it one day when I picked the kids up "CPS won't do anything. Everyone knows that". For my attorney to care he told me he'd need a $5000 retainer. Of the $1500 a month ex gets in child support, from best I can gather around 10% gets spent on my kids. They live on instant noodles (which they cool themselves) and Goodwill Clothing (I am not exaggerating) while their mother spends money on her own entertainment and clothing. She puts back no money for their college and my attorney informed me during the divorce that "No, sorry you can't tell her how to spend the money". Our legal system does not protect the children in a divorce, it does not protect the non-custodial parent... If you end up the every-other-weekend mom or dad and your ex does not want you involved in your children lives be prepared to go broke on attorney fees to (to quote my attorney) "maybe get something done about it". It's simple this is the price you pay for a marriage gone bad with kids. It is what it is. I'm fighting a bit depression because I've also lost my three best friends post divorce (one stabbed me in the back during the divorce), one moved 12 hours away and one decided after 13 years of friendship he was gay and in love with me. I offered to keep the friendship but told him I did not feel about him that way about him or any man.... The definition of romantic love changes post divorce. The best thing you can do is find someone who's been though it who was impacted by it in a similar way otherwise they will never understand and always be coming at it from a different angle. It some ways you will never love again completely, but that's ok as long as you learn to give enough and work at letting them know you care. Another plus is that you do eventually get past the romantic feels for your ex (if you have any left). I felt absolutely nothing the day my ex remarried and during our marriage I loved her in a way I couldn't even measure. Once you rebuild the new you from the ashes you'll be more passionate about some things and a whole lot stronger, but you will loose a lot of people and the pain of seeing your kids suffer is a kind of hell you don't forget. If there is a god I know 100% it is not all-loving, it is hands off of it's creation. I was once a very religious person and from studying the history of it all and trying my own experiments (went though a dark period where I would wake up, curse god and challenge him to kill me, etc.. I did that for nine months. Nothing happened. Then I started barging about it, still nothing). I know some people need hope and if I were less intellectual I could perhaps let go of all that I learned when studying the shady history of the church or gods complete neutral response, but I can't. He/it just isn't there. If I had not set myself free from religion I'm fairly confident I would have committed suicide by now, but I didn't do that. I took back control of my life. The charitable things I do now (and I don't do many anymore, I'm kind of selfish with my time at the moment) but when I do something good it's not for some eternal reward or fear of punishment of a fantasy God, it all comes from me. The positive is my life is 100% mine now and before I was beholden to not only religion but to a wife who just one day changed. That control that's mine is the most important thing to me. It's the one thing no one can take away from you and the one thing you should never give up.
1 Heart
At this point in time, could your children or daughter petition the court on her own to change the custody decree? It would seem with all the complaints on record to CPS I would think you have a case, have you contacted a public defender?