I try not to get myself worked up or focused on what my X doesn't do as far as our children goes but it's tough. They were at one of his relative's house yesterday & he stopped by.
When he was leaving my son got sad & told him that he wants to stay with him & he told my son that he will pick him up today so I was told.
The last time my kids stayed the night with him was the beginning of August, so what was more important than letting your son you barely see stay with you when he asked. It's sad & it hurts.
What's wrong with your ex? I mean did he grow up without a parent in his life or dysfunctional family?
@NS100 he wasn’t raised properly
I agree...that is very sad and hurtful and my heart hurts for your son. My sons have to deal with that at times with their dad, as well. As a parent it's only natural for us to get worked up when someone hurts our kids. Why don't you have a regular schedule with your ex regarding his time with the kids.
@PieceByPeace that’s a very good question. Can I ask your honest opinion? If your kids dad know you have to work at a certain time & days which requires needing someone to look after the kids but he NEVER ONCE ask you what are the days you have to work so that he can watch the kids, what does that say about him?
The only times he have watched them was maybe for 2 weeks because I got fed up & told him that he had to get them on the days I worked. So I would call him & say the kids are packed & waiting on u to pick them or I would call & say u have to pick the up this day & that day.
So I stopped to wait & see if he would mention anything about my work schedule or watching them but he didn’t. & it doesn’t feel good forcing a father to watch his own kids.
When I put in for the divorce I put on paper for him to get them every other weekend but he gets them once every 2 months.
2 of my kids are of age to watch the youngest so they stay home alone when I have to work. He calls them sometimes when I’m at work & he knows their home alone.
I spent most of our marriage forcing him to do things & trying to change him for the greater good but now we are divorced & I refuse to keep doing the same things.
Divorce...custody...it's all very complicated and messy and the negative consequences are endless. I know you've heard this before...you can't change a person...you can only change yourself. With that being said, I think it's time YOU started doing things differently, which will require you being brave and courageous because he will push back and try to get you to stop. And remember, none of this will be easy...doing the right thing rarely is. Here's a few options...
Maybe revisit the visitation schedule you already have in writing. This may require a mediator or lawyer if you're both unable to sit down and come to an arrangement (in writing) on your own.
Or you could (simply) put in writing your work schedule and TELL him (do not wait for him to ask) exactly when you need him to get the kids. You will need to be flexible, though, as your work schedule won't always line up with his own schedule, so both of you will need to be realistic. If your work schedule changes week to week, though, this might not be what's best for the kids. They really do need consistency and routine...knowing what to expect week to week will help them manage life more easily.
With that being said, you could also just come up with a regular schedule for him to take the kids, such as once or twice during the week after school and every other weekend, regardless of your work schedule, knowing that your older children are able to watch the younger ones when you are working and it's not his normal time to have them.
If you try any of the above and he still refuses to keep to a regular weekly schedule with them then it's time to talk to a lawyer about seriously holding him accountable. If you can't do that (for whatever reasons) then it's probably best for you to just accept the way things are, knowing he isn't going to change, and come to peace with it so you're not constantly battling with this. Stop waiting for him to get the kids, and stop asking him to as well. Just let it go for your own peace of mind because right now he's in control of your emotions. Don't let him have that control over you.
@PieceByPeace Thank you for your advice but I’m at a place where the less interaction my kids & I have with him the more peaceful things are. The times he did watch the kids during my work schedule is because I forced it. Which is something I will not do anymore it’s too stressful & too much back & fort. & the court system is a big headache that I don’t want anymore. They gave me the run around during the divorce which took up a lot my time & money. I felt like I was the bad guy.
I am at a place where I’m done arguing & fighting with him, as long as my kids are safe he doesn’t have to watch them. Yeah it hurts like hell that he barely see’s his children but at the end of the day he’s the one missing out.
I’ll continue doing my part as a mom & eventually what he does or doesn’t do won’t affect me anymore.