I want to change i want to control my anger

FEELING VERY DEPRESSED. I M GIRL WHO IS LIVING WITH GRANDPARENTS DUE TO DEATH OF FATHER. MY MOTHER NEVER GAVE ME TIME. SHE GOT REMARRIED. I SPENT MY CHILDHOOD IN LONELINESS. WHEN I WAS IN 9TH STD, I TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE BECOZ I GT VERY LESS MARKS IN HISTORY.. AND MY GRANDPARENTS ARE TOO STRICT. I WAS FRIGHTENED. I DINT SHOW MY MARKSHEET. I DRANK BAYGON.BUT IT DINT WORK ON ME. I HAD VOMITING.AFTER LONG TIME NOW AGAIN I M FEELING DEPRESSED AND GETTING INTENSE FEELING TO COMMIT SUICIDE.NOW I PASSED M.SC. I TRIED TO TRANSFORM MY NATURE, TRIED TO THINK POSITIVE. BUT EVERYBODY IS BLAMING ME. TODAY MY FIANCEE SHOUTED ON ME BECOZ HE WAS UPSET WITH MONEY MATTERS. HE MET ME 1 YEAR BACK. I WAS NOT INTERESTED IN HIM. BUT I SAID ES TO HIM JUST NOT TO HURT HIM. NOW GETTING MARRIED WITH HIM.I WANT TO CHANGE. I AM VERY ANGRY PERSON.SMALL PETTY MATTERS INFLUENCE MY ANGER.I GET DEPRESSED VERY EASILY.I GOT FEELING THAT EVERONE HATES ME. MY FRIENDS ARE JEALOUS OF ME.THEY ARE MY ENEMIES DUE TO WHICH I CANT SHARE MY SORROWS WITH THEM. THERE IS NO1 WITH WHOM I CAN SHARE MY PROBLEMS. MY FIANCEE GETS ANGRY SAYING U R PESSIMIST OR NEGATIVE THINKER. NEVER TRIES TO UNDERSTAND ME.NOW I M AT HOME NOT DOING JOB. MY MIND REMAINS EMPTY. I WATCH SERIALS, SURF INTERNET WHOLE DAY, TRY TO MEDITATE, READ BOOK ON HOW TO GET RID OF SELF NEGLECT. STILL I HATE MYSELF. I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT I AM.

I have the same problem, sort of! I really have no one to talk to at the end of the day! It feels like I always have someone hovering over my shoulder waiting for me to mess up! I just want someone to listen to me and give good feed back! Anger is hard to get rid of and it does take time. I hate that! Don't hurt yourself beacause these other stupid people can't accept who you are! You are just as important if not more than these idiots who have stomped all over you! And the fact that your taking some initative to talk to people that will listen is a step in a great new direction! LOok forward to hearing about your progress!

Adee, have you tried to seek counseling if affordable to assist you w/your justified feelings so you can work it through? Your post was almost a month ago so I'm hopeful you've sought relief in getting advice, help or sharing more here w/ all of us when you feel like it.

April

I agree with April. Counselling will definitely help you to understand what triggers your anger and why you are so angry. You will also learn tools to manage your anger. Plus, the best part od counselling is being able to just scream, shout and let it all out.

I am sorry that your grandparents were so strict. It's difficult enough being raised by our own parents who already seem so old fashioned in our eyes, but to have to deal with grandparents must have been very hard.

Its wonderful that you wnat to transform your life in time for your marriage, and i am sure that with the help of a therapist, friends and your won strength, you will get there.

Love