I want to get help but dont know how. Its been about 6 years

I want to get help but dont know how. Its been about 6 years on and off. After major life stress i started falling into my old ways again. Heartburn and my teeth arent as white as they used to be. I should stop while im ahead

2 Hearts

So sorry to hear that you're starting to binge again. It's great that you have enough self-awareness to notice what's going on, because lots of people are in denial. I don't have bulimia myself, so I googled "bulimia treatment" and found some good sites. Apparently there is now treatment for it. Yay! Best of luck.

I want to get help and don't know how either. My husband doesn't believe in therapist and has strong opinions on what people "did to themselves is their own fault". Well if it is my fault idk how to get out of my hole

Your husband doesn't believe in therapists. What's your opinion on therapists?

@L2015 I do believe in therapist and that they can help you. Just wish he wud support that

Is he saying he'd prefer if you didn't see a therapist? Or is he withholding the money? Or threatening to hurt you if you go? Or what?

@L2015 he just wouldn’t like it. He would never threaten to hurt me or anything, or withhold.

My husband never tried to help. It's up to us to get out from vicious cycle.

Hi Jermpa, Your husband sounds like a decent man, from what you write. If you had walked into a branch and your eye was bleeding, would he say "You did it to yourself. It's your own fault," or would he say "Well, it's your own fault, but you don't know how to fix it, so maybe you ought to see a specialist"? If he opposed your seeing an opthamologist, would you stay home, or would you go anyway? I think you can see where I'm heading. A psychotherapist or an eating disorder specialist is a specialist doctor. Even though he wouldn't approve, is there some way you go anyway?

@L2015 yes I think it needs to get to a point where I have enough courage to tell him, because he doesn’t know. He isn’t involved in my meals because of work

Hi Jermpa,
Right. He doesn't know because he's not at home when you're doing the bingeing or purging. So he has no idea what suffering you are going through right now.

I would love to tell my husband too, but I am afraid he will judge me or not love me. It's embarrassing. I'm trying to recover by being strong myself. It's hard though.

1 Heart

@KatClark30 being judged is my biggest fear as well. I overcame anorexia by myself but bulimia I feel is so much harder

He will not judge you it's disease that you did not choose to have

1 Heart

@irene827 I’m afraid he will not be able to see it from my perspective and judge

I'm thinking about both your husband's judgmentalness towards therapy as a possible outcome of how men are raised in this society. When I was in college, we had to write a paper on men's issues. So I went to the local elementary school, and borrowed a "reader." The stories about boys focused on "I won't let them know I'm afraid." And in the army, if something awful happens, they tell you to "suck it up." With this sort of role model, it's not too surprising that some men are critical of therapy. So, if you are dealing with a husband with a lifetime of that sort of training, how do you as a wife deal with it if you do need therapy?

@L2015 I guess I don’t really know how to deal with it

Hi Jermpa (and KitClark too), If it were me, I'd start with the assumption that my husband is doing the best that he can. He wants to be a good husband. Due to how he was raised, he believes that he is being helpful by criticizing therapy or telling you to do it on your own. Am I making sense here, or am I misunderstanding you?

You are correct. My husband never understood why I can't be 'normal'. And no matter how much I tried to explain he just couldn't and not because he is bad person just because of his upbringing. So it's up to us to get well.

1 Heart

So, there are several different ways to approach this problem. One might research bingeing, all the latest research, why it's not your fault, why you need professional help, etc. Then when you tell him and he criticizes, you'll have answers for him.

Another way is in a safe setting to practice telling him. Like, practice in front of a mirror when he is not home. Or write him a letter explaining. (Tear up the letter - do not give it to him!) These are just for practice, to start building habits of saying difficult things.