I want to have sex with my husband. It has only been a month

I want to have sex with my husband. It has only been a month since I found out about him cheating. We have been married for 10 years and he claims this was the only time he did that. He says that he wants to work it out and he doesn't want to lose me. He says he has always and only loved me. We haven't even kissed but a few times on the cheek. I'm afraid I'm going to make myself more vulnerable. I don't know if this is the worst idea ever or the best. We do need to reconnect. We haven't had sex since before the last baby was born. He is now 8 months. I need sex.

2 Hearts

If it won't trigger you and you think it will be beneficial to you, then go for it. Reconnect and bond. Make a promise to yourself , if you are able, that intimate time is yours and nobody else is allowed in your head. Do not let it be taken from you, enough has been taken already. Hugs, peace and strength for you

1 Heart

@Betrayedbymylove thank you.

By all means have sex with your husband. If you are trying to make things work - then try and make things work. Which includes sex. I have been on the other side of this and I know firsthand that the men who cheat almost never want to leave their wives. They are looking to feel wanted. And it sounds like you want him right now. So show him that.

2 Hearts

Have sex with your husband. If you are trying to make it work then it means truly trying to make it work. Feel that connection again. Maybe after you have sex things will be clearer for you. Maybe you will decide you love him so much you can get past him cheating OR maybe during the sex you will realize that you can't get past it.

2 Hearts

Let me clarify, we have only kissed a few times on the cheek since I found out and that was me making that effort. I honestly don't know how to approach sex. I so nervous about it triggering bad feelings and I'm grossed out that he was with someone else. I think it would help us get closer and both of us would benifit.

2 Hearts

@Ineedmeagain Tough situation. I found the first few times with sex are confusing and difficult, but it is necessary for the two of you to rebound and rekindle the love you once shared. Make this clear with your husband that you both need this bound. I wish you peace and love

Maybe ease into it. Start slowly with cuddling and kissing and see how you feel as it progresses. If you mentally can't keep going then stop, give it more time and try again in a month. Don't MAKE yourself do anything. But you said you wanted to have sex with your husband and that is the most normal thing to want!

2 Hearts

How sad is it that after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids that I am really thinking hard and having doubts about having s x with my own husband!

4 Hearts

Don't blame yourself for having doubts. Be sure to never blame yourself. It is completely normal to feel conflicted.

3 Hearts

Why haven't you had sex in 8 months?

1 Heart

@whyOwhy I had a baby 8 months ago and we have 2 older kids. I’m so tired I had been falling asleep in a recliner nursing the baby. So the baby is really attached to me. I also have a hard time transferring the baby to the crib. I’m getting better at that. He also works late. He starts work at 12pm and is usually home by 12 am. I’m done by then. He kids get up at 6-6:30 am every single day. I have to get up with the kids. They need to eat and get off to school. One gets on the bus at 8 and the other has to be driven to school at 12 and picked up by 2:30. I have very busy days and as a result, I’m exhausted. I also think I have a little of postpartum depression. That’s why.

I would leave him. but that's just me.

1 Heart

@Coco11 that’s not very helpful. We want to try to make this work. We have 3 kids. We’ve been married for 10 years. He claims his was the first time. I know this is the first time I’ve heard about it.

I would start by talking to your husband about sex. Let him know why you haven't been intimate since you had the baby - too tired, conflicting schedules, etc. Then let him know how you're feeling now about sex after his affair. I completely understand your dilemma. It was hard enough to find the time for it due to kids and work. Now the mental anguish of an affair only makes the situation worse. I just think open and honest communication is the first step toward real intimacy. How did you find out about his affair? Are you in counseling - both marriage and individual?

1 Heart

@Piwo33 she found me. When she found me I confronted him. He denied it. She found a picture of them and sent it to me. That’s when he told me. She swears this was the only time. I’m not sure about that. I feel like this is the first time he got caught. He swears he will do anything for me to fix this. He says that he feels awful and really regrets it but he needed sex and she came on to him while he as at work.

Hi. I have a 5,4 an a 4 month old. Found out my husband cheated a month or so ago. I'm also breastfeeding. Him and I went a very long time without sex,kissing a hug etc . I don't remember when but we just disconnected. For me,once the std testing came back clean, I gave into hysterical bonding. I really needed the bonding in that way and because he's my husband.. why not? It's helping reconnect. And tmi I hadn't orgasmed in a year and that's just no way to live. If you want to,talk with your husband and tell him what you need to make it happen.

2 Hearts

@Chasingpavements what is “hysterical bonding”?

Well, we talked a little about us and things I need him to do to help me trust him again. We didn't have sex last night but I did kiss him on the lips before I went up to bed. I think it shocked him a little. It was nice. It is the beginning of us reconnecting as a married couple.

3 Hearts

@Ineedmeagain Communication is a great start. You should be open and honest with your husband and he should be a great listener and empathetic in return. By you letting him know you are still attracted to him and want to be with him but you feel awkward might help him realize there is hope. Have you considered a sex therapist? My wife and I have not been to one (that part of our marriage is still pretty good) but others on SG have gone to one with successful outcomes.