I was bullied almost all my life, whether it was from family members or from school or church, it happened a lot. I still think about the things that were said, and continue to see and hide those imperfections. I will always think I am fat. I will always think I am ugly. I will always be afraid I am not good enough. Bullying does hurt. I have had people apologize to me now, and we are friends now, but it will still linger in the back of my head. My -now- friend bullied me in church *when I was a christian, and went to church at the age of 12* and because I wasn't really skinny (I wasn't "fat" either) he would say things like "You're so fat, I'll pay for your liposuction", You're fat, that's why you have no friends and no one wants to be around you", etc.
Going to church for most would be an awesome amazing time where you could just be in a "safe house" basically. Not for me. I was scared to go, because what awaited for me was bulling, and people that did not like me because in their books I did not look right, or conform to what they wanted me to be like. How can kids be so evil? I will never understand.
Different types of people have different types of walls. Some use shyness as a wall. Others use laughing *jokes* , or sarcasm as a wall. My wall is well basically acting tough. I don't like people touching me, or trying to play games with me (you know how friends are). I don't know if this is a part of my depression, my anxiety, my social skills, or something deeper, but all I know is I hate it. It's like a natural reaction to things. A guy I know that likes me always touches me, like he'll poke me or tap my head, and other childish things. My first reaction is always anger, and violence, I want to smack him or punch him. I literally have to hold back from doing so. He thinks it's all a joke, and perhaps it could be my wall protecting me from letting someone in. I don't know.
It sucks.