Im a 29 year old female, no kids, never married. I’ve been single and celibate for years. I met a guy December 2010 of an online site. He began calling me every day, all day. So I talked to him a lot on the phone and he seemed extremely interested in me. We began hanging out 3 times a week. I met his friends and family and hung with them. I was also at his house all the time, and he always wanted to see me. We had sex after the 3rd date, but he stuck around and it didn’t feel like he was using me. We were a couple. Every day he told me that he cared about me and missed me. He told me to delete my dating account after we had sex and he did the same.
He seemed like he cared so much and he talked about our future and all the things we were going to do. He called nonstop until the day he broke up with me. He even called for about 3 more days after that. So after 2.5 months he has decided that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that we needed to develop a friendship first. How did he just turn his feelings off from me? I didn’t do anything to him. I thought we were building a friendship since we talked so much. I feel so hurt and abandoned.
I was so happy that I ignored a lot of flaws in him. For about a month into the relationship I was very submissive and passive, and I didn’t speak up for myself. I saw a decent man that had the potential of being a good future husband, educated, employed, no kids, home owner etc. And I was blinded by these qualities. I didn’t want him to think i was a nag so ignored a lot of bad things that he did.
After a while I learned that he was very stubborn, would not compromise, everything had to be his way. This made me upset sometimes. Sometimes I would cry when I thought he was being unfair. When I was upset, he would not comfort me at all. He seemed to get mad when I got upset….he would avoid the situation. He would not communicate with me about problems in the relationship, and accused me of complaining because I wanted to discuss the problems. I wanted to compromise with him, but he would always tell me that we will never agree on it. These were simple problems, but he didn’t want to work on them. He always thought he was right. He never saw fault in the situations even though he caused a lot of problems. Also even though I spent lots of time with him on the phone, we really weren’t talking about anything much. He wouldn’t take my conversation serious at all. It was just idle conversation, or him talking about his hobbies and how I would have to participate with him in the summer time.
Also, he placed many demands on me, and told me that this is what he needed to be happy. He would get mad because I didn’t want to spend the night at his house, cook or clean for him…it was just too soon for that. I’m a student and i was too tired for that at nighttime after class. He didn’t understand that I am a fulltime college student and I go to night school. I always had to drive to his house because he said he was too tired to pick me up…he lived 10 minutes away. I would come visit him 2 to 3 times a week, but he barely came to my house that is 10 minutes away. He always made time to hang with his friends and drive to them. He did take me on dates and stuff once every week or 2. It’s like he wanted an instant wife or slave to just make him happy, but he didn’t care if I was happy. I told him in the future I would cook, clean whatever, I just need to take care of my priorities first. He kept telling me that he needed a partner, someone that can bring something to the table. He put me down a lot because I live with my mother. I’m in school working on a second master’s degree so I didn’t have money to live on my own.
When I first met him he was the nicest man I ever met, he was very affectionate and lots of hugs and kisses. He turned on me after a while and began treating me coldly when I started to comment about his behavior.
I found out that he has been married 3 years ago, and the marriage lasted 3 months. He was dating another female for 3 years. He has had several shorter 7 or 8 month relationships that didn’t work out. He seems to always have to be in a relationship. He is 29, no kids.
At night I dream about him, about how nice he was to me in the beginning. Its been a long time since a man cared about me. I wake up sad because he is gone. Sometimes I blame myself for him dumping me. Kinda makes me wish that I would have cooked for him, cleaned, done whatever he wanted. I just thought that me giving him my time, driving to him on a regular basis and being with him was enough for this new relationship. I had no ideal that I would chase him away. I miss him a lot, and I want the hurt to end. I try to communicate and compromise with him, he just didn’t want to work with me. But he said he cared so much. I am a good woman, never cheated in my life, and I am a good friend!
I can’t believe im acting like this over a 2.5 month relationship.
Give me some advice. How can I fix my heart? What should I did differently? I know he isn’t perfect, but I still fell in love. It hurts bad. Why did he claim to care so much, and then run away like I never existed? Part of me blames myself. Did he care about me at all? I opened myself up, and now i will worthless.