I was only 13 i was young and didnt realise what i was getting myself into. I always feel like im partly to blame as i didnt exactly say no. From 12 to 16. My uncle took advantage of my good nature and trusting being. He took my virginity and ruined any normal teenage years i would of had.. I led a double life for 4 years. I feel sick for saying it but i still think about him from time to time. I have no idea what actual love is as my first experience was with a paedophile.
Its only recently that ive accepted that it wasnt the same for him as it was for me.. he is a paedophile. This realisation hit when i found out i wasnt the only one this had happened too. Id always hoped it was one of those messed up situations which wasnt right but was what it was.
I attract men that arent right for me and my brain doesnt work like a normal persons brain. I just want to ask him why me?
But that question will never be answered.
1 Heart
Have you ever had therapy/counseling to deal with this? No matter how long ago it was, you can receive free help from Rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE. I know you are struggling, but while this can never be made right, you can learn to see yourself as a fighter and survivor and not a victim and that in turn might very well help you see what you want in a healthy relationship. Hugs!
Your idea of love is probably skewed because of the experiences you have had. Don't be afraid of love. Start with other things such as loving your friends, families, even a hobby, favorite book, or favorite food. Once you learn to love other things in your life, you can be more open to love when it comes to you in the form of a romantic relationship. Love is all around us if we keep an eye out for it.
1 Heart
@love-and-support NoLoveLostNoLoveFound25, Hi, what he did was wrong. You were just a Child. He was an Adult and like you said, a pedophile… None of it was ‘Your Fault’… He prayed on you because, he could. He took away your Innocence because, he could. He ‘Messed-With-Your-Head’ because, he could. You don’t know what ‘Love Is’ because, he ‘moulded you’ into ‘Someone’ who, has a different ‘Out-Look’ on life. Someone who, is ‘Mixed-Up’. Have you ever had ‘Therapy’ for the ‘Sexual-Abuae’ you went through… I think perhaps, it would be a ‘Good-Idea’ and would definately help… Always ‘Remember’, YOU are not only the Vitim here but the Survivor too. It may not seem like that or you make not feel like this but with help, YOU can become a true SURVIVOR… I’m here for you and ‘Understand’ because, I’ve been there and, still suffer the consequences of what my Abusers and the Abuse did to me… But, no matter how ‘Hard’ it gets and, how much I still struggle, I am a ‘TRUE SURVIVOR’… If you want to PM me anytime, please do… Sent with love, Trish x
You are not the one at fault. You were a child. He was an adult with an adult knowledge of what was right and wrong. Something that helped me get over being sexually abused by my adopted father was EMDR therapy for PTSD. Talking to a therapist who is qualified to treat sexually abused people helps as well. I am willing to share my story with you in PM if you'd like.
Hi NoLoveLostNoLoveFound, I'm just checking in with you to see how your doing... Did any of the replies you got Help in any way. I am here for you and, our 'Life's Journey's' are so similar even, identical in some areas... If you Private Message me, we could talk one-to-one and, I will tell you my Journey so far. I think, we could be a good support for each other and even friends if, you wanted to be. I'm here, I've supported you so, I will leave it in your hands.... Thinking of You and Sent With Love, Trish x
I went through something similar though not with a family member. If you ever need someone to talk to. I'm here. I'll try my best to help. :)