I was recently diagnosed with BPD (febuary 2020) i am curren

I was recently diagnosed with BPD (febuary 2020) i am currently unmedicated because i do not have health insurance. im struggling today. My boyfriend made plans with me to hang out at home and celebrate me quitting my ****** job last night, but he canceled on me to go out of state to a gun show, i wasnt invited, and to add insult to injury, he doesnt have phone serice so i cant even talk to him. he went even though i told him how hurt i was. it feels like he doesnt care about my feelings or how triggering to my abandonment issues that was. so now im sad and alone and not celebrating.

2 Hearts

Hi. Wow, that must feel really horrible that he did that to you. I see so many things painful about it: 1). You had made plans. 2). He didn't invite you to go with him. 3). You can't contact him. 4). It triggered your abandonment issues. 5). He didn't seem to care that you felt really hurt by his behavior. 6). You can't have much of a celebration by yourself, especially when feeling lonely and abandoned. How are you doing now? When did/does he return?

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@L2015 hes back now, he came back the next night, he said he was sorry and explained why and it was reasonable. we did however get into another… situation… if you will recently (bad memory sorry) he was going to spend the night but he was sad so he wanted to go home (sad bc his ex wont let him talk to his kid) and i got upset but felt guilty bc he has feelings too but also i felt defeated and he thought i was mad and said that he wanted to go home sooner bc he felt that i didnt care about his emotions and then i got upset because i always feel guilty for not thinking of peoples feelingswhen in reality i care about everyones feelings hence why i feel guilty in the first place… and then brought up how he said he didnt abandon me when he literally did. BUT! we talked things out again and things are going a lot better. i realized a few things about myself and that, even though it sounds harsh, not everything is about me. some times hes going to need to cancel and its not always because of me. i gotta let go. but he also has to learn to communicate how he is feeling so that when he does need to leave its reinforced that its not because of me. we both have things to work on but we really do love eachother (sorry this was so long wow )

Glad it was long, as it explained things well. So glad you were able to work things out with your bf, and that he had a reasonable reason. Yay! And so sorry you had another upset; and glad you were able to work things out again.
Looks like you 2 are very good at talking things out! But if you want an additional suggestion, may I suggest Nonviolent Communication? It's been used for over 50 years to successfully and non-defensively to resolve conflicts lovingly with everyone from roommates to spouse to workplace to international conflict. You can learn for free online. Here's a good intro video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAawB30gZ-E. I've used it successfully with my boyfriend.

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@L2015 thank you! ill for sure check it out and try to incorporate it into our relationship