I was sexually abused repeatedly as a child by my babysitter

I was sexually abused repeatedly as a child by my babysitter's son. I have Complex PTSD. As a child I felt emotionally abandoned by my mother in my time of need. Around the same time as the abuse (1 to 2 years?) I saw my mother having sex with her lover. Now as an adult I have a sex addiction with masturbatory fantasies with women in my life that emotionally I feel like haven't abandoned me. I haven't posted in a long time because I've lost my way and lost hope and have suicidal thoughts.

1 Heart

Hello Wilson2000:
I just wanted to say that your comments are heartbreaking. Meaning; people care and they want to help you. It is not your fault what happened to you as a child; children are supposed to be protected by law. But that clearly did not happen in your case. I am on your side and giving you positive feedback. An addiction can kill you. You can get a STD or AIDS or become or get a woman pregnant. In spite of all these problems, you are allowing people to use you and this creates self-sabotage. This is a form of hating yourself and you cannot hate yourself; you hate what happened to you because it was an act of evil. Thoughts are dangerous so please get help. There are so many people out there who have sex addiction; a sign of the times. I am not judging you. Now days, people want instant gratification. Please do a search online for sex addiction recovery because now is the time to get help. You have to get professional help too... reach out to healthcare or a therapist to get help with this and they will help you; that is their job. You are asking for help now through this post, so that is a great first step. Keep up the good work. Also, I saw a movie on sex addiction and it is rather intense; I believe it was based on a true story. Once you start getting help you are on the right track; then you can move forward again and live a healthy life. God bless you.

2 Hearts

Wilson, sorry to hear. Keep posting. Its great to put thoughts down like in a diary. You have people here that will listen.

1 Heart

By the way, I hit your support tab too.

1 Heart