I was tested for STDs a few days ago and today I got the res

I was tested for STDs a few days ago and today I got the results. I'm positive for Herpes. Both type one and two!
I was tested for this in June because I was suspicious and I was negative back then.

I am panicking. I just started dating someone and we kissed and he had sore throat the day after each time we kissed. I don't have any symptoms.

I think my first outbreak was back in June but I probably didn't have the antibodies developed so I didn't test positive.

I haven't had many partners, just my ex husband.
Now how do I tell this guy? How do I even date with Herpes? How do I not feel ashamed and embarrassed?
Please tell me how I can feel normal and how can have some hope that I can still have a happy relationship?

I also need to mention that i am part of a small community, this minority usually marry within the community and most are very conservative, knowing that I feel my love life is over and I feel this guy will not stay with me if I tell him, it is unethical to not to tell but how do I do it? or should I just break up with him and never date again?

@positive012022:
first off, Welcome Aboard! continue reading the posts here and you'll realize you are amongst many JUST LIKE YOURSELF!

We here stress to divulge before going any further... just tell your date that before you commence any further engagements, you would appreciate him getting tested for HSV. it's the right thing to do and with so many viruses going around, why not? if he truly cares about you, he won't hesitate!

as for dating, here's a post from our past that you should read:
https://www.supportgroups.com/herpes/dating-everyone-has-their-different...
also read:
http://www.lahelp.org/faq.php

1 Heart

Thank you for your prompt response.

I am the one who is positive, he might not be and we didn't even have any intimacy, we just kissed. I am praying I haven't infected him. I wouldn't forgive myself if I had.
Now I am positive to both type one and two and I'm worried he will dump me.
Emotionally I'm not down well, I feel dirty and I feel I'm lower than other women out there. It make me feel very insecure. How do I deal with that?

@positive012022
FROM A PREVIOUS POST ~

Dear [Insert Your Name Here],
I want you to know that you are the same beautiful person that you have always been. This does not define you. HSV is a common condition caused by a virus that has a bad stigma attached to it. This is unfortunately kept alive today due to how uneducated our society is about hsv. I would never want you to feel that you are what the stigma represents because that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, this is a life changing situation, but I know that you are strong enough to handle it. Life hasn’t been easy and there will still be more battles that we have to face, but you will survive and carry on.

I truly believe that this will not stop you from being happy. It may change your dating aspect in life, but it may even be for the better. Having this may help you “weed out” certain individuals you just wouldn’t want to be with. For example, someone that judges those for having this, someone who you couldn’t trust with keeping your diagnosis private, someone who only want sex, and so on. So aside from compatibility, you now keep these things in mind and qualities like trust and open-mindedness can be a great foundation for a relationship.

If its the dating part of life that is really bothering you now, dont worry, you will find someone who loves you for you. Most importantly, I want you to love YOU. You need to know that this does not make you any less of a person. Never ever feel that you need to settle for someone because they are okay with you having HSV2 and you are afraid that you won’t find another to accept you, you will. You are an amazing person and there are tons of people out there that would be willing to accept you for you and everything that comes with you. Please do not ever limit yourself because of this.

Besides the change in dating, you may face other changes. Changes in your diet or lifestyle may need to be done in order to prevent or limit outbreaks. This will be a whole new learning process in itself, but you will find what works best for you. It will take time, patience, research, and lots of trial and error, but you will do it. Above all, it will take acceptance. As cheesy as this may sound, you must accept this for yourself before anything else.

We never chose to have hsv…but it happened. Now we can only move forward. How we choose to do so is up to us…Take back control of your life. Don’t let the stigma define you…WE ARE NOT THE STIGMA.

Thank you. I'm 36, divorced and I wanted a family and kids, I have other health issues with already were making men walk away, this added to all of them makes it a lot harder, besides I don't see myself telling anyone about it. It is probably the end of my dating life. I don't mean to spread negativity but I haven't met anyone who has been okay with my other health issues and adding herpes to the list won't help.

@positive012022
what you fail to realize is, “SOME THINGS” are NOT up to you! life will allow it to happen when “LIFE” see you’re fit and ready!
if men walk away, it’s their prerogative and what life wants, so let it be.

any man worthy of you will cross your path when the time is right.
i am now 65, married at age 40!! i have been married now for 23 years.
i dated a few. i was NEVER turned down, but parted due to “Other Reasons”. eventually my wife and I met, the rest is history… life has a plan for you whether you agree or not. don’t force it and let life happen.

now let’s move forward and enjoy the “Now” and let the future unfold as it may.

I've cried all night and was close to an anxiety attack.
I have a massive liver tumor I have to live with so I cannot take the pills and date ppl. The pills will kill me. My doctor today told me there is absolutely no way for me. Literally nothing. She said " hopefully you'll meet someone who is also positive".

I am trying my best but I have had this news less than 24 hours ago so it doesn't feel I can enjoy the moment or even see a future.
Anyway, thanks for your responses.

@positive012022
that’s expected! you’ll go through phases. it’s part of the journey…
here is a link to a typical phases:
http://projectaccept.org/phases-of-std-acceptance-text-only/

in the meantime, we are here for you.

Sorry for your herpes diagnosis. I have had herpes since 2015. At first is is scary, but it does get better and it is part of your life, but not the end. In fact, I have found so many great people in the herpes community that I have found relationships better.

It gets easier and accepting you have this. At first I freak! I kept having panic attacks and thinking no one would love me or be with me and that my life was over! I found out at 18 now 24 and just within that time I have accepted it and this is who I am. I am always here to talk if you need someone to speak with.

1 Heart

Hey all, I wrote this post with tearfilled eyes and inability to sleep because my anxiety is so high. I was just diagnosed with HSV2 and prescribed Valtrex. Devastation isn’t even the word. I feel betrayed, disgusted, and as if my life is over.. I am not the type to sleep around and I always have my partners get tested before engaging in sex so to have this happen makes me feel even more angry with myself. I’m 28 years old and have only had unprotected sex with 2 men not counting the man I dated for 7 years. The most recent guy I had sex with Is where I contracted it and I haven’t even told him yet.. he’s been acting like all is well and is still trying to hang out/ hookup with me but I can’t even bare to look him in the face right now.. how do I bring this up to him? Could I file a lawsuit for civil battery? I cant even began to think about what I’d say.. why wouldn’t he tell me?? I didn’t even have intentions on dating him seriously because of the way he treated me..this is extremely painful as I have severa open sores atm.. does any one else get really bad sores? I’m also having a clear sticky fluid draining that has an aweful smell. Smells like a fart smell and it’s actually repulsive and I’m sure those around me can smell it.. will this ever go away? Will my discharge return to normal? I feel so dirty no matter how much I was myself. Can’t even do that thoroughly because it feels like razors trying to wipe.. haven’t planned on telling my family because I feel like they’d treat me like damaged goods.. I feel helpless and can’t stop crying .. this is the lowest I’ve felt in life ever and not sure how to cope. Today is a sad, sad day..

@TheGreatSuppression
GO GET TESTED ASAP! IT WON’T GET BETTER!
you may have something else going on!
get tested first before worrying about your toxic relationship!

as for telling someone, see:
https://www.forhims.com/blog/how-tell-someone-you-have-genital-herpes
http://www.lahelp.org/faq.php