I wish I had someone that could unnderstand

I will probably just ramble on, my apologies in advanced but I'm so incredibly alone in all this. I've recently relapsed after years of being ok and am on my way to get help. It's been hard accepting the fact that I'm back in this place. I don't want to tell my family because it would destroy them and they don't understand or know how to help anyway. The only person I trust enough to tell all this too is sort of driving me crazy. He's a good friend and I know he is very concerned but he is pushing me so much. Any time I talk to him all he asks is if I did anything bad, and that I need to eat healthy and try to to think positive. I told him that I want help from him but he doesn't give me the help I need. His way of helping is telling me that I have control over things and that I have to tell myself to stop and all these positive comments that make him sound like one of those self help books. Frankly what I really want is someone that will sit with me when I'm having a bad moment, hold my hand and listen. Is that so bad?? He says he can't just sit there are do nothing knowing that I'm sick. It's so frustrating , and when I tell him that his methods of constant telling me that I'm going to be fine, that I can do it, that I just need the right help is not helping me at all he gets upset and we end up fighting. I'm just so tired of being alone and not being able to sit with someone. I just feel like a horrible ungrateful person when Im crying about how alone I feel.

You're not a horrible, ungrateful person for just wanting someone to be there for you. I wish I could pour this out to someone, but there's no one that will understand or be able to refrain from judging me. And I dont want to be just "another typical girl with an eating disorder". I really need to start seeing a therapist or someone, I dont know if it can wait until June when I move back home. The last few nights, all i've wanted was someone to lay in bed with me, with their arms around me, not saying anything, just being there and comforting.

It WILL get better, love.

Tell your friend that you know all the things he is telling you, you`re probably actually know it more than he does, just tell him all you want is a long hug, that you want to be held, tell him that while holding his hands and looking him straight in the eyes