I wish i knew where to start. I wish i could figure out wher

I wish i knew where to start. I wish i could figure out where i screwed up so badly. This school year, just so far. I've lost my best friends of almost 5 years. It was the right decision (i ended the frienship) but that doesnt make it hurt any less. I started working and driving and taking on so many responsibilities. I like that things are changing but it just hurts. I finally let myself fall for some boy, but i dont really know how to feel romantic feelings or something. My eating disorder is really acting up and ive started missing my therapy appts because i have to tackle everything. People have stopped asking me how im doing and my family still cares & when they do ask, i cant open up. Im exhausted of loving. Of caring. And sometimes of doing anything. Im getting to a dark place again. And i feel alone. So very alone. I didn't know growing up felt like this.

3 Hearts

Sorry you are going through such emotional pain! It sounds really awful. I hear you are feeling very alone, going to a dark place emotionally, not able to open up, emotionally exhausted. As I read through your post, I saw lots and lots of new stressors in your life: (1) loss of best friend of 5 years, (2) new job, (3) started driving, (4) new responsibilities, (5) first love, (6) missing therapy appts. (I'm making the guess that "(7) eating disorder acting up" is more a response to the stressors rather than a chosen change.)
I think that any one of these changes would be a big deal in anyone's life. But to have them all come at once is bound to make a person feel unbalanced. I'm wondering if that makes sense? If so, is there at anything on this list that you could cut back on? Also, I can understand skipping therapy due to responsibilities, but I would imagine that when things are so difficult that the therapy would be especially helpful, to help you sort out all these issues. So I have a suggestion, but I don't know if it makes sense to you or not: Since you've been skipping appts., could you contact your therapist any way that you can (text? email? voicemail?) and just leave a message that you're struggling a lot right now and need help and they should please contact you. I hope they will help you figure out what first step to take. I hope you will start feeling more grounded soon!

1 Heart

@L2015 Thankyou so much. Ive felt as if my feelings were extremely invalid and hearing u say that these are actually stressful things (as weird as that sounds) genuinely helps. I feel like so many of what im going through has been brushed off. And im trying to choose things that i could maybe cut off , but so much is happening so quickly. I actually made a therapy appt (not for another 2 or 3 weeks tho) but still its a start. Again. And thats all i really want to do. Is start again.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I have been there and I can relate. Some of your changes are normal and good. They are a part of growing up and maturing. However you have to take care of yourself or your body will make you stop everything to take care of it, eventually. Keep yourself and your health a priority. If you do so then you will be more productive and ready to "tackle everything". I also believe it will help you with your romance. I feel that your mind will be more clear and that you will be healthy enough to navigate the decisions that need to made in that area as well. You are not alone. Big hugs!

1 Heart

@APOR2017 Thankyou so much, honestly. Even to hear that anybody cares is really worth something. I think thats part of it definitely. Its just a neverending cycle of -life is hard-so i’ll stop caring for myself- and im upset that i didn’t care for myself so life is hard. Im really trying to stop it though. Trying to try (yikes) to drink more water, eat healthy,& thinking about getting a gym membership (dont know yet, but thinking about it).