I wish there was a category for "over 50" -I am trying to p

I wish there was a category for "over 50" -I am trying to process the strange relationship issues w my sibs. One younger sister and one 5yrs. We come from a much larger family and back 10yrs ago we were still close but me relating a bit better to my older sis (more like a mentor).
Since actions that were accidentally revealed to me, I confronted them and they went silent for a long time. They chose to be hyporcrites even tho they are -oh so...religious...sigh.
Being the bigger person, I decided to call them and try to have a renewed relationship w each.
Yes, they said they were sorry in a way but would they have if never caught? I hardly think so.
They are unbelievably 'out of touch' and quite sheltered in our current society.
They refuse to understand or mesh with life in 2022...act more like ppl 20yrs + OLDER than they actually are LOL. NO offense to 80yr olds lol
My loss of the once lively, interesting connections we had -the sisters who I believed 'had my back' is like grieving a death.
They were the ones who opened their gossiping, judgemental mouths, then act like it was me who 'wronged' them??! Yes -just what narciccists would do.
I've tried to understand anything I've done that would warrant their attitudes but I think I represent some kind of 'lifestyle' with my non-patriotic, laid-back parenting style and ability to research important facts?
I don't relate to their need to constantly post simplistic 'kitten and rainbow-isms' both redundant -treating others and me like we're 3yr olds who have to be told how to 'feel all these supersticious and even Conspiracy Theory-types of life approaches. They also have zero understanding of POC. SO Awkward!!!
Has anyone else gone thru similar sibling problems like this?
My brain is wired a bit differently -I don't like confrontation unless absolutely neccessary.
I'm getting a little old to feel this kind of ANGER.
I know I'm not brave but would like to feel I'm not ALONE.

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I have a brother who is much older then me. We live in different states and led different lives. My mom cut herself off from him blaming him for his mouth. He always acted out But now me being much older I understand why. He lives away from our parents and I am close by. They are aging and I’m here to handle them. And my mother is controlling and mean. My brother finally after my whole life opened up to me. Being more a personal man he didn’t want burden me . I try to keep an open mind and he and I are now closer then we been in the past 20 years. We did do our whole raise our families thing and all. But for 20 years mother never went to visit him and see her grand kids out there grow. I reminded him it was her decision. Because I now see how she is. It’s never easy when we deal with family. And sometimes even when it’s their fault. Being the one to make the first move is perfectly fine. And the strongest best thing to do. We can’t change them. Just forgive them and love them. And move forward. Your sisters sound like they want to move forward too . You definitely are the bigger person. And did the right thing

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@TropicalstormThanks for your response.
it sounds like your mother set up a horrible wedge that drove separation between you and he. That’s so wrong and look how many years of waste came from that?
I mean her grandkids…she chose to miss out on memory-making visits that will never come again…foolish and prideful.
Glad you two are close now.
I wish I could just forgive them and move on but our Mom set up this attitude toward FAMILY so long ago…like family always have your back no matter what.
When I felt recently betrayed by them…it shattered Mom’s life-rules. I mean I trusted them!
I struggle with ‘justification’ a LOT. It can freeze progress. I know a lot of ppl say ‘better to be kind, than right’ -or something like that. I CAN be kind to them, but the closeness that was so genuine in the past is just not the same and that makes me feel hopeless. I know I’m way too codependent of them and strangely -still NEED them, at the same time as having very little ability to relate to them. Ultra competition is still rampant among my sibs but it’s all ‘under the radar’ and they’d NEVER admit it…they keep pretending they’re SO tolerant…LOL!
They don’t get to have it both ways.
My introverted nature that just wants to run away and hide from them all.

I’m very similar with how you are feeling. You are very hurt right now and that will take some time. And that’s okay You are smart and think this out. Not jumping to conclusions. You self reflect and don’t want to cause more pain. Take time for yourself to heal You made great decisions on moving forward and opened up that communication. Now it’s your turn to heal. And give it some time. I heard from a great man , that we don’t lose time. We make up the time. We are where we need to be Ion happy and greatful I am where I’m at with my brother and I love him much. Also remember. We are raised a certain way. And we are capable of changing things we thought were what we were supposed to think was the right way. You are that new generation to change the past upbringing

Thank you so much for your wise words. Very much appreciated :)

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I am in my 50's and I have a somewhat similar situation. My mother was an angry narcissist and she would manipulate me and my two brothers. I broke all contact with my mother many years ago because she was so toxic and uncaring. I used to be close to one of my brothers but over time, he started becoming more and more narcissistic as well. Three or four years ago, my brother stopped talking to me. I was really sad and miss the relationship we had before he became so dysfunctional. I felt like he was the only one who understood and could relate to all the bad things that we had to deal with growing up. I tried to reach out a couple of times but with no answer. He was my last family contact besides my own children. It's hard to lose family that you were once close to. I still miss my brother.

@alicat125 That is so much to cope with about your mother. Don’t you wonder how in the world she got that way? It sounds like her toxicity was born out of some kind of fear -then she chose not to turn it off?! This also happened to my SO and his mom.
She never healed her distant inability to love him or mention it, even knowing she was leaving this world. She left him with so much confusion and emotional baggage and all of her negative energy which she handed rt down to the next generation.
Sometimes strangely, it’s the siblings you might have had so much in common with that often end up ‘polarizing’ away from us. Same thing happened to me.
Missing these special relationships that took so long to grow -very hard to find new deep friendships over 50.

I can relate to those memories that come up and PTSD from the traumatic ones. My dad and mom got divorced when I was around 5 or 6. He then had a series of other relationships/marriages. There's a lot of reasons why we didn't stay in contact but the main one was his last wife. She basically didn't want him to be in contact with me. My dad said she was jealous of me which didn't even make any sense. My dad and I were never that close to begin with so it was easy for him to let go. He's a pretty passive person who tends to like controlling women. My mom did the screaming in our family. I became the passive sibling who tried to please everyone and my brother became the one who butt heads with my mom mainly and sometimes with Dad and me. I was older than him so I didn't let him get away with doing that to me when he was a kid.

@alicat125 ok wow that is a lot. I’m so sorry you did not have stable parents. I’ve heard so many step -parent nightmares & found it so sad how deeply those choices affected children like yourself. Maybe that’s why I did not end in divorce…idk.
It seems so many parents begin families with no idea how to even begin doing it. Obviously ALL families endure bad times in some way no matter (or often in spite of) being financially stable. But I knew tho, that positive structuring and plans was not written into our DNA.
What was written in was so much shame -still I made it work until I could figure out how to get out and make some money.
My dad absolutely had no idea what he was ‘signing up for’ and truly went a bit bonkers trying to provide for a very lg fam. Let depression & alcohol rule him.
Never chose to get help.
Its strange, bc in light of the way I was raised…way out from school, no friends, no money…it kind of fused me to go out in nature and let that be my solace. I was invisible. Luckily I had a Grandma who took time to love me.

I think back then people were expected to get married and have families. My mom felt that way even though she hated having to be a mother.

It's sad about your dad not getting help. But that also wasn't something that wasn't done much during their generation. Men felt that trying to get help showed that they weren't strong and masculine. When I last contacted my dad, he said he didn't get help for his problems long ago because he wasn't even aware there was help back then and later he felt he didn't need it.

Growing up, I read a lot of books and listened to lots of music to escape. But I agree, nature is healing. So are animals. The pets I've had in my life have helped me through some pretty rough times.

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@alicat125 Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I still struggle with my self esteem, too. For a while, I was feeling better because I finally went back to school and got a degree but then while getting my master's I had to quit. I had lost my purpose in life.

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@alicat125 So sorry to here this.

Hi, sorry for the late response- took a brk from Sg 4mos due to the constant logging me off and deleting all my content. I am not loving this new Sg format LOL. How many ‘McGivers’ did it take to MESS this up this badly lol?