Hi, I'm new to this. But I saw this site and thought that I could share my experience with others who either have never witnessed such an incident, or who know exactly what it is I am talking about. "A burden shared is a burden halved."
I think I was 5 when I first saw my dad bash my mum. He was a heavy drinker and worked night shifts - he was a grumpy man. From my poor memory and lack of understanding of the matter, I think my mum felt like she was being treated as a slave - always cleaning, always cooking - and she felt like something was missing from her life - perhaps 'love'.
My parents would argue and fight, and I will never forget the night when the police came but did not take him away. And why? My mother simply said, "Let him sleep"
Have you heard of the saying, "Once a wife-basher, always a wife-basher"?
And do you agree with this?
Well, depending on your experience and understanding of domestic violence, you may agree. You may believe that is true. But from my experience, I disagree. I have also witnessed a change within my father. He still drinks, yes, but he brews his own beer to something like 0.01 percent alcohol. He no longer gets drunk, and he even smokes outside for us now. He not only does the garden and grass, he also does the washing, bring the clothes in, and he does the dishes. He now appreciates the work Mum has done for years.
I love my dad. We survived the split-up and now live together again.
But still today, the images of my mother's cuts and bruises are etched deep into my mind. I cannot forget the way my mother lied to protect my dad. And now I have to deal with the personal repercussions that have followed that period of time.
nessak, very serious emotional trauma hun. are you seeing a counselor or therapist? is this something that would be possible. not knowing your age if your in school is the a crisis intervention counselor available? i praise your courage in coming to support groups to get some help. we'll do what we can for you hun. i'm so sorry for the hurts you've suffered but am also pleased how things have changed in your home, you give others hope. did day go to aa or counseling of some sort for these changes in his behavior? thanks so much for being with us and hope to support you any way we can.
Hi,
I did see a counselor for a year, initially for another reason, but as I’m sure you know, everything always resides to your childhood. But things started to get better long before I saw a counselor. It was 2005 when things started getting better (of course with a few hiccups along the way). But the most noticeable changes started two years ago. My parents have relationship difficulties. I honestly believe that there is no love there. That is our major obstacle at the moment, I think.
Through my childhood in primary into high school, I’ve been bullied, sexually harassed and abused, bashed, isolated, emotionally abused by a boyfriend, I’ve screwed up relationships, and etc. All of which have led me to self-image issues, harsh self-criticism, anxiety, depression, and I’ve been driven to commit suicide. All a real harsh reality to me - and I think most of it has been stupid and unnecessary. But I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing. And I have to say that at least 90% of that list is the result of domestic violence in my home.
But, my best friend took me to church, and since then things have been better for me. (By the way, I’m not here to convert anyone, I’m just retelling my life). Now my best friend is also my boyfriend and he’s stuck with me through everything. He’s just about the only relatively stable thing in my life at the moment.
I have some support at home and by others, but I can’t explain everything to them. So that’s why I am here 
I share a very similar childhood. My dad was an abusive alcoholic to my mom. There were 10 of us children and he never laid a hand to us and was never mean to us-a great dad but was a nitemare to my mom. It would kill me to see what he did to her and the pain she felt but she loved him and with 10 kids and no job what was she to do but stay? I used to resent it but I now understand. She had nowhere to go with al of us. My dad started drinking heavily(became an alcoholic) after he lost his job. He was a long distance truck driver. He became depressed. He would hit her, verbally abuse her and pll ou his rifle, though he never pulled the trigger. Still frightening as a child. When he finally had to serve 6 mnths for dui he became clean. Sadly enough he also became sick and suffered from emphysema. He was the worlds best dad and husband while sober. I'm so glad she never left him. I am left with scars but more so the love that I know he had for his family. He has since passed away but I and my mom miss him terribly. Good luck in ur plight to have a happy family!
Geez, that’s tough - for all of you. I know what you mean by resentment. I’m going through that now. I show little respect to my mother and I can be very spiteful with my comments, and yet at the same time, I try to help her with her about her obesity and her feelings about her relationships.
wow. Memories. I wouldn't trade my dad for anything in the world!!!!
nessak, sure glad you joined us here. hopefully with the support and sharing of others in similar situations you can begin the next phase of your development but please don't rule out counseling again if you feel it could boost yur recovery. thanks so much for sharing hun.
