I would never accept a friendship with another man outside of my husband who has NPD regardless that Im lonley and sad. Is that weird to keep so distant from the opposite sex? I just feel like I'm vurnerable like I could be easly swayed into the idea of love and get into a complicated situation or even hurt. The idea of a man "saving" me scares me tbt. I need to figure how to love myself enough to let go of my husband on my own. Yet also i feel like a few guys in the passing could have been very compatible and even really great. Sometimes I regret not letting them in just a little (as a friend) its like i let few really good guys just slide by because I was scared of taking a risk or breaking my own beliefs. Yet i want to do things right too. Its a mixed feeling..
Your post sounds like the tip of the iceberg. Lot to unpack and discuss. Not sure you'd want to discuss it with me specifically, but I hope you find some inner clarity of where you want to be in life, and relationship wise. Things can certainly go in many different directions depending on the choices you make. Or choices you don't make.
Why boring? Im sure you can guess why I choose my name.
To your response, clarity would be nice. I have a good idea of what I want in life. How to get there is slowly coming together but its still uncertain. One thing I do know is that the older women version of myself would look back and regret not leaving. Id regret not having built a life that I am valued in.
I truly believe that any man who gets into a relationship with someone who is in a complicated situation is not a good candidate for love or safety. I think there are rare cases of anything good coming from that. I mean that in a helpful way, not a put-down; seriously. No matter how extreme, wonderful, or heroic they seem, I'd stay far away and build upon the inner strengths that are going to come out in you (those the narc has squashed), you can do it. Going no contact with an abuser and staying 100% free of them in every way will empower you greatly. Stick with empowerment and work within; it is WAY too easy to fall into the trap of another abuser. No one is going to come in and announce themselves as NPD, abuser, user, etc. They're going to woo you and say and do all the right things. I'd stay clear. Work on you, enjoy the freedom and space given from escaping a controlling narc, and when you feel much healthier, you will be in a better place for new relationships.
Deep down I know that. Also i know the right man will come when its the right time. Meanwhile Ive learned alot. The best lesson yet is how to remain firm yet be mature about it. Second is reading bs, lol. Actually those are pretty even in importance!
Also, I’ve already had a good taste of that freedom. It amazes how much stress was lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could do anything for the first time in years.