hey everyone I found this group online and I was hoping it would help me. I am not really sure that I actually have an eating disorder because I have never really talked to my family about it and I have managed to maintain a wieght that looks relatively healthy my whole life. When I was younger sometimes I would restrict, sometimes I would work out for hours, and my senior year I took diet pills and worked out for hours every day. Then as I got older I started restricting alot more, taking more diet pills, and eventually purging. When I started dating my girl friend I promised her I would work on things and I have managed to avoid most of the things I used to do but I feel so gross and I go through periods where all I want to do it cry because I hate the way I look and the way I feel. I have found ways to subtly lose weight without her noticing too much but I have started binging and purging from time to time and if she found out it would break her heart. IDK what to do because I have no one to talk to about any of this....
Hi Dazie_rena, thank you so much for being here with us and for sharing. I am really happy that you came here, as I think it's a huge step in the right direction. I really believe that treatment would be such a good next step for you, whether speaking with a counselor/therapist or attending a local support group. I found this site to be very helpful and there's a phone number that you can call for advice and guidance; http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/.
I am a recovered bulimic, and I really wished that I had nipped it in the bud earlier on because I would not have depleted my health to such a "grave state" (per my doctor). Know that I am here to help you through this in any way that I can.
Thank you for your support it is nice to have someone to talk to. I always feel bad because I dont feel like I can talk to anyone close to me because I know how much it hurts then, especially my girl friend, so its wonderful having people who understand.
Welcome Dazie....I know you are miserable, but you took a huge step by reaching out here. You obviously want and know you need help! We can all support you, but it's up to you to seek professional help, which is critical if you are going to be able to be free from this monster!
You say that it's not noticeable, but please let me remind you that you can be at what appears to be a normal weight, and your body and brain are suffering. You can die from this dangerous cycle you are caught up in. PLEASE, seek help, and whether you believe it or now, you do deserve to find freedom from this....Neve give up!! Jan ♥
Hi Dazie_rena, just checking in to see how you are doing and feeling?
Sorry I havent been on more this week, work has been horrible! I almost feel stupid because many of the girls that have posted on here are already recovering, or working on it, but I am back to the point where I almost need it. Restricting has always been a way of finding control and when I get extrememly stressed out its what I turn to. I know it is not healthy and I know I should not do it but I cant even stand looking in the mirror. IDK
Dazie, you are making strides in the right direction, and everyone works through recovery at their own pace. Please know that it's important to work through this at a healthy pace and at one that works well for you. This is all about you, and not anyone else, so let's focus on getting you to a good healthy place. I understand how ED is a form of control when other facets of your life may not be in a good place, because that's exactly what I did. I recovered and it's 15 years later now where I've been healthy and happy. Therefore, I know that you can get there as well.
Let's work on getting to the root of this; you mentioned stress is a trigger for restricting. If that's what triggers you, then it's very important to start working on how you deal with stress. For me, I have found several ways to deal with stress in a very healthy way, because I've had a lot of continual stress for the entirety of my adult life.
And it's also very important to start loving yourself and loving what you see in the mirror, but that starts from within. So, let's work from the inside and out. Is there a possibility for you to start treatment; whether a local support group and/or therapy? Please know that we are always here for you.
IDK I guess I need to stop talking myself out of treatment/therapy and just do it…I think I want to be healthy for the wrong reasons. I want to be healthy so Im not hurting the ppl around me but I am not sure I really care about myself that much. When I say things like this it jsut makes me feel stupid…I guess im just hard on myself. Thank you so much for replying to my post though. It is nice to have someone to talk too
Dazie, I think that the key is to get you into treatment/therapy and go from there. Let's take this one small step at a time. If you can take that step of starting treatment, then all else will slowly start to fall into place for you and you will start to recover for the right reason....for yourself. If you need help researching treatment centers or therapists, please let me know.
Thanks! I think I am going to start trying to look up therapists who take my insurance. Honestly....I have worked so hard my entire life to bury all the things inside me....Im just scared and IDK why. My life was never that bad....but Im scared!
Dazie, it's natural to feel scared, but try to turn that emotion to that of positivity. I know that it's not easy, but it's such a huge positive step that you are taking to completely improve/better your life and that's a very exciting thing. You will be entering a new chapter by working through these issues that you have suppressed and you will feel so much better on the other end of it. You are not alone in this, we are holding your hand through this.