I am just so hurt and angry right now. I don't know how to deal with this amount of emotion.
I went out to the bar the other night with my friends. I played pool, had two drinks and alot of fun. I told my ex a story (I've been trying to stay somewhat friends, i knew it wouldn't work, idk why i still tried) about something that happened to my friend and he commented on something irrelevant to what i was saying and i told him i was uncomfortable with his question because i knew where it was coming from. he then flipped out on me, called me a bar skank, put me down for basically everything I'm struggling with right now while while pointing out how he's better, he threatened to violently kill one of my friends (who he called "your little boyfriend") because "he only wants to **** you, just like every other guy you thought were your friend". (mind you, and this is beside the point, i barely even know this kid, ive known him and his friends for a few months, i don't know them well, but i know they would actually like to be my friend. They are genuine people. And I've told my ex on countless occasions that I'm not interested in dating them anyway. I'm not one to just go have a fling. He's the only person I've been with and I've never been disloyal.) And then when i got angry at these things, he blamed me, told me i got way overly mad in the first place and that's why all of this happened. i wasn't even angry when it started, i was just letting him know that he was making me uncomfortable so things wouldn't escalate as they normally do and we wouldn't fight. on top of that apparently I'm being ridiculous in the fact that all of this bothers me. I need to "get over myself" and I'm making way too big a deal out of it.
Mother****er. You called ME a skank. you tried to make me feel like trash. You threatened someone who has been nothing but nice to me. And on top of everything, YOUR DOING IT AGAIN. i am not going back to how thing used to be between us, you will never control me again. How ****ing dare you say those thingsto me and try to make me feel that way. After everything. after all the chances and everything I've done. You think this is ok? Now, your reverting back and you try and convince me it's ok??? We aren't even together anymore! I completely lost myself when you used to treat me this way. I was dead inside. I quit college because of it. You made me so depressed i couldn't get out of bed. I remember it wad right after my birthday and i consider myself lucky because i almost killed myself after whatever you says to me. You think I'm going to risk myself again? That's ****ing delusional. Ipulled myself so far out of that hole, nothing is worth me slipping back in. i might not be better yet, I'm weak and the pain i feel is gigantic but this time I'll kill anything in my way. I'm so infuriated that your would do this again but eventually I'll learn to move on, at least the majority of the hurt from this will be gone and I'll give my love to someone who deserves it. You'll be sitting there remembering how you did everything to push away and hurt the love of your life. Now that you've made it so i just can't be in your life at all, i hope your happy. You've finally gotten your wish.
i know you feel bad now but tommorow you will see he did you a massive favor but acting like that today its time for you to be you and get your life back i for one an rooting for you
Venting it out this way is a step. Im proud (even though we dont know each other) of you for coming to these factors in your life that have been realized, you dont need him never did. you should go back to college if you havent already, do better for yourself and love ones!
Thank you both very much. I'm trying so hard to get my life back and i do intend on going back to school. Im trying to build the strength so nothing can break me this time. I can't screw up again.
Talk to me whenever you need advice…
I give some pretty good advice.
Anytime 
Speak your mind hun.
He'll never be able to get over what he's built between you unless he goes on some kind of 10 year pilgrimage and becomes a totally different person, and even then I'd be skeptical of his ability to gain your trust back because of his own memories of being ****** to you (assuming that during a decade of self-reflection he realized this fact). Why is he still around? Do you have to see him for some reason?
He's the only person I've had for the past four years. I had my aunt but she past away a few years ago and we had a terrible relationship. I have other family like aunts and uncles and cousins but not anyone that knows me at all or that i have any connection with. I after he beat me down the way he did and my aunt dying and my family not understanding me and everything I've felt so alone and i think it really scares me to let go of someone who really does care. He doesn't want to do it. He can't control himself, he's broken and he needs help but i can't be involved anymore. It hurt me too much and i gave him everything i had. It's time to take care of me and i know it so i am going to make sure it happens. It's so hard for me to let go because deep down i desperately wish i had just someone in my life i had some connection with, and he's the last one i had. I don't want to be this alone. I just miss that feeling of comfort and family. I'm really trying to be strong enough to do what i have to do.
Also, I'm on his phone plan. That can change soon though, within a few weeks hopefully so that's ok for now.
And thank you jesnarva, I'll take you up on that. Message me anytime if you want to talk!
It sucks losing a connection like that. My only friend in school didn’t become a bastard until we got older, so I understand what it feels like to invest all your energy in a relationship only to see it vanish. I think if you put yourself in the path of people you admire maybe you’ll find a better friend and they’ll help you build some new connections. Also, there are tons of good people at college when you go back.
Although,i am starting to realize being alone doesn't have to be such a bad thing.