If you have been following my story, or if you just reading

If you have been following my story, or if you just reading this, thank you for your continuous support. I have a little over 24hrs before we have "The Talk". My dad is coming in town today so I've got my support immediately at my side when its time.
It makes me really sad. I know neither one of us wanted out relationship to be like this. Just this morning he mentioned how he doesnt want to be the person he has been anymore, "doing things out of spite". His words. As much as I see how he wants to change, I remind myself, he keeps talking about it but doesnt act towards it. Recently he mentioned wanting a new therapist, to be able to see in person. I advised him how to search for one in the area that takes our insurance - made no action.
Thus repeating in my mind, he is unpredictable with his anger until he has gotten himself the help he NEEDS.
As if my heart isnt already literally aching, I happened to get weak/aching to the bones sick the night before yesterday. He took care of me in his own way. Im grateful for his efforts but It makes me realize how much he hasnt paid attention to me. He asks if I want anything, I ask for tea. He literally gives me hot water and a tea bag as if I have EVER drank any tea like that. I dont want to seem like Im complaining because Im grateful for the intent of the act. But after 7yrs he should at least know what I put in my tea: he could've either asked or brought it to me I could mix it to my preference. I still have to make food because he acts like he doesnt know what our kids eat. Granted he did give me a massage for a few minutes, but he slept as much as I did. And by the end of the night asking me to take his temp (97.5 - he was fine). Now when I get sick that doesnt mean to sleep with me. We still have kids that means take over. Which isnt much now that our eldest is in school.
He has a good heart - I know he loves me more than he knows what to do with. But he doesnt know how to love himself yet therefore cant love me the way I deserve to be. I cant wait around forever for the change. I love him and really wish I didnt get sick 2 days before leaving him. I dont want him to feel used. I really hope this goes as best as it can. Im really swallowing my pride to do this.
But I know if I dont do this I will just keeping complaining about the way im treated without doing anything to change it. And that doesnt make me any better than the place he is in with himself. Im truly going to make the change to be able to stand for myself.
I really didnt intend for this to be long but, AGAIN, I really just want to thank you all for the support. Being strong enough to talk about it with someone other than my dad makes me comes to reality more. Living in denial no more - with the help of you all Im making moves for a brighter future.

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Take care of yourself, Praying for you and yours.

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@DearPeace Thank you. Its much appreciated.

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. So glad to hear your dad will be there for you. Support is key!

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The narcissist can be ALL over the map with reactions to this. The famous quote about "no one can throw a bigger tantrum than the narcissist who's losing control of someone else's mind"...is so true. They go from love bombing, tantrums, smearing, violence...back and forth...literally all over the map. Before I escaped my exMonster for good, I just left one day to get away from him. It was MY HOME, MY PROPERTY...all of it...but, I had to get away from him. It was getting SO bad and I wanted to see if I could make a dent in the situation. My mom and I counted 23 texts he sent to me while we were out, 16 of them were mooshy love pleas and 7 were NASTY hateful threats....all over the place, just NUTS. I told my mother that day when I left to go back that I was fed up and "giving it one more chance"...she has always said that she knew that day that it wouldn't be long. She could see it in my eyes and knew "the chance" is nothing when it comes to an abuser. I was so fed up that "the talk" was off the agenda. I was done. I was going to get rid of him no matter what it took. I had to be strong when I didn't think I could be, I had to show my children that we don't allow abuse of any kind. I am so happy for you that you have a support system and you are freeing yourself from this abusive environment. You realize that you and your kids deserve better and that, my dear, is everything. Looking forward to your posts about freedom and a completely different feeling. Yes, you'll have days...be tough. You've got this.

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@kelly72 @Rdan @RenoxStella Thank you all. My dad is the best support anyone could ask for. I just found out he’s been ready for me to get out of this for a couple years now. Even if I didnt have anyone else but him, my dad is the best support system a girl could ask for. I cant wait to be able to feel what its like on the other side. Positive Eyes forward!