I'll try not to ramble, but I am looking for anyone who may

I'll try not to ramble, but I am looking for anyone who may have tips, advice, resources etc on having a parent with a terminal illness. My mom is only 55 and was diagnosed with stage 3c colorectal cancer 6 years ago. After surgery, several rounds of chemo & radiation she was in remission (only for a few sweet, short months), it had then spread to her lungs. She continued treatment until her last scan (about 3 months ago) revealed the cancer metastasized to her spine, liver, kidney, etc.... She has chosen to try & enjoy the time she has left rather than suffer from the awful side effects of chemo. So, all of that said, is there anyone who has any advice on how to deal with this? I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about everything and I'm not sure how to deal with it. Thanks for any help!

2 Hearts

KaMaBe
You're asking about how the family or how your mother should try and deal with it?

1 Heart

My heart goes out to you and your family. Just know I'm here anytime you want to talk.

2 Hearts

@AnonymousMess thank you!

@java Thanks for your message! I have spoken with her about her decision to stop chemo and (selfishly) I wish she would have continued. But the logical side of me sees how much suffering she endured. She was forced into early retirement & due to a number of severe side effects was unable to even get out of bed most days for the past 6 years. We talk daily on the phone as we live on opposite sides of the country. I have 2 little boys who love to Skype so we also try to do that as often as possible. My fear is that my boys won’t truly get to know her. I’m just a mess of emotions lately and I feel like I’m always crying to my husband about it. I have 2 sisters but they deal with things so differently that I don’t want to burden them with my feelings on everything happening. I just never imagined this happening. Thank you for your kind words! :slight_smile:

You are in my prayers

1 Heart

@Abk3Collins thank you

Hello kaMaBe. I hope you are doing well. I wonder how your Mom is doing? My husband is 54. He had some of his colon, all of his rectum and anus removed in June of 2013. Every follow-up appointment showed he was doing well. Then in December of 2014 we found out that the cancer had spread to his brain and lungs. They did radiation on his brain and those tumours went half size, they were doing chemo on his lungs and those tumours went smaller and one went away. We found out then that the cancer had spread to his bones as well as stomach, abdominal area. When they found the bone cancer there was three spots that were ready to break through the spine so they did radiation right away. This did prevent him from becoming paralized but he was so sick from the treatment. It actually ruined his stomach as he has been unable to eat ever since. He has ensure and water, that is all. The pain in his shoulders is so bad that he now sleep (pain) walks. They did radiation on his shoulders and it did not work. My husband has now said no more treatment. I wish we could go back in time as I think I would have talked him out of the last two rounds of radiation but it was his decision in the end. Respect your mom, do what she wants. If she wants to travel or just visit people or have the party of her life, do it. We never know how long we have them for. If possible, so see her. Spending time with her is the best thing for both of you. I watch my husband get weaker and sicker each and every day. The only thing he enjoys now is visits from family and friends so I make sure people are here everyday. I am tired but so what...... Hang in there and be your mother's friend. That, you will never regret... Hugs

1 Heart

April01, thank you for your message. My mom has become a bit of a recluse, not leaving her house in the past month. She has severe shoulder pain as well but refuses to take anything for pain relief. They also attempted radiation on her shoulders but it was not beneficial and actually caused more side effects. About 2 months ago she was hospitalized from severe dizziness and it was discovered that she now has a few tumors on her brain. What started out as colon cancer is now in her lungs, spine, hips, brain, liver, etc. This has been such a roller coaster ride. For years it was like I lived in ignorance, knowing she was sick but pushing it to the back of my mind as she never seemed "sick." Now her health is rapidly declining and we're seeing her memory fade away, hardly able to form a proper sentence without forgetting what she was saying. Sorry for the rambling, I don't often talk about all of this. I suppose the anonymity of the Internet is helpful.

1 Heart

My heart goes out to you. Always here if you need someone to listen. I truly can't imagine being in your shoes.

1 Heart

Hi Ladies, it has been awhile since I have been on here. AnonymousMess, this is the worst roller coaster ride I have ever been on and I would not wish this on anyone. KaMaBe, sounds like we are on the same ride. Three months ago they told me that my husband had three days to three weeks and he is still here. Two weeks ago they said he had two to three days and he is still here. Today is his 55th birthday. He is suffering now and I have my belief in God but I am angry right now because of the suffering Eric is going through. Even with all of the pain medications he is on only works for about one hour. The bone cancer has really gone out of control. I can actually feel lumps on his ribs, thighs and arms now. He was 246 pounds at the end of July and he now weights 165. I know this is because of the stomach cancer and not able to eat. Hard to watch him starve to death. The cancer has gone to his liver and lymph nodes now. He told me today that he is losing the feeling in his legs. He has no strength in his arms. KaMaBe, you are not rambling, it is nice to know that we are not alone. I feel so mixed right now. I do not want him to die but I can not handle watching him suffer. I have finally come to terms with all of this. He told me that he is tired of being sick and weak. He said he is not afraid of death, he is afraid of leaving me. I had to tell him that I will find it hard but I will cope. I had to give him permission to go and the doctors told me that he would go soon but a week later he is still fighting. My husband use to do everything with the cars as well as the yard, now I am learning how to do this stuff. I said to him, darn you Eric, you did all of this and got me spoiled, now I have to do it... We both laughed. Then I find out that he made arrangements with neighbours to take care of the snow this winter. I should have known.... Now I really am rambling. Sorry.. I hope you both have a great day... KaMaBe, I hope your Mom will reconsider pain medications. The bone pain is the worse thing I ever seen.

1 Heart

@April01 I am empathized with your husband, and you. Yes for both of you are going through… His pain, and suffering I can’t imagined. But your suffering watching your husband, the man you love, the Love of your Life dying… My heart goes out to you. I sobbed a little, I am an emotional, and compassionate person. In addition to find the Love of your Life, and to watched him slowly get sicker, and sicker… No, I have to paused… I almost died just over, 2 years ago. Suddenly with no warning! I spent 4 months in the hospital, through Hell, and Back! I am a Survivor of a critical brain injury. But with Faith, Family, and Friends… I am here! I can’t forget my SG friends, they Rock! Yes, I am here, welcoming yet, another day! You were blessed to find such a good man, your husband…You found out, he made arrangements with neighbours for snow removal, this winter. He’s still looking after you always,m regardless… My thoughts, and prayers are with your husband, and you. SG friends are here, to support, and be supported.