I'm 16 and conflicted. Ever since middle school (my darkest years), I've had this sense of helplessness. I used to look in the mirror and tell myself I hate myself because it seemed like everyone else did (except my family), then I asked myself how that was even possible when I don't even know who I am. I hated doing assignments about ourselves because they asked things like, "Where were you born? What time? Who do you most resemble?" and I just have to make it all up just to avoid saying the reason why I don't know. I love my family very much and I wouldn't trade them for the world, but nobody around me would be able to understand the emotional affliction this has taken on me. I could handle it a lot better when I was younger, but now that I'm less than 2 years away from being 18, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to making the biggest decision I've thought about all my adolescent years. I kind of always sensed there was something different about me (not because of any mistreatment or anything just I felt like I didn't really belong) and it made sense when I was told I was adopted when I was 7 maybe 8 years old. I just need the help to get over this hole I feel in my heart.
Sweetie, I think a lot of people feel that way adopted or not, but this I do know, your mother wanted better for you than she could give at that point in time, she wanted you to grow up with all the things she couldn't give you. If you decide to go find her I'm afraid it may make the pain worse, at least initially, but you are right in that you need to know who and what you came from, I just hope you can handle the answer.
@dark_and_twisty71 Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate it. I do know the situation why I was taken from my mother, which is mental illness and that impaired her from adequately taking care of me and knowing that is what mainly conflicts me as to whether or not I should meet her. I know it’s not her fault then at the same time I don’t know if she’d want to see me. Again, thank you for the comment it means a lot because sometimes I feel like I understand but other times I can feel lost.
I relate to pretty much everything you said. Its hard sometimes when you don't really know a lot about yourself and then when you tell people that your adopted they dont really get it.
@lolobug I’m so glad there’s someone that can relate because sometimes I feel trapped in my feelings and that there’s no one to talk to that will truly understand where I’m coming from. I don’t feel it’s fair for people to automatically say, “Well you should be grateful.” because that’s almost like saying a kid has no right to be a kid if they’re adopted… we’re not military soldiers. I don’t know if you can relate to that or not, but I’ve encountered that scenario a few times. Then the questions people ask and the comments they make doubles up the pain in a way.
Rds_1988.12 I know exactly how you feel. I was told a little bit younger than you. Less than 2 years till I get to see the papers and im freaking excited for this. Don't worry about the small things, find a great group of friends to be with and you will make it. :) <3
I am going through the exact same thing right now and it just hurts it gets better every now and then but I have realized that all you need is one close friend that understands and the will get you trough it all