Im addicted....i need help

so im 17. 8 months ago, my world fell apart, completely. i began smoking pot, snorting pills, drinking alcohol, and partying when ever i got the chance. i let my grades drop, started skipping school, stole from my mother, stole from my friends, i was a completely different person. in late june 2010, i was raped at a party 4 times one after another, the same night. i told no one about it. and just sank into the dark slippery hole of drugs. i started working at a haunted house in september, met a guy named brian, me and brian began dating then. then in the begining of october, i went to rehab for drugs, because my mom found out. i was there only about 2 weeks, which i know was not enough time to heal but i wanted out i wanted to be free. i lost what little bit of trust i had with my family, my mom even told me she has no faith in me ne more, and that im nothing to her. those words hurt, but im trying to get past that. me and brian are still together today <3 he is everything ive prayed and asked for. without him i dont know where id be, or if id even be alive. he's so mature, smart, creative, determined, sweet, kind, understanding, and sooo much more. but what im struggling with even though i have brian is the fact that i let myself get into drugs, i was raped 4 times, i lost my family, my mom told me im nothing, i lost my self esteem, im having nightmare, im having flashbacks, im having cravings, im having urdges, im scared of guys when they are agnry, im scared of being alone, im still struggling with my grades and my attendence, its like so many things need my attention around me and i just can't seem to keep them all afloat. what do i do, how do i stop getting the udrges to just say fuck it and end my life?? please someone tell me what i should do because im in therapy and taking meds and im still stuggling so bad, i cant keep putting so much stress onto brian because i dont want him to leave me. so please someone help.

hi serenity, i'm kathy, i'm 51 but your post been there, done that. oh sweet heart there is hope. joining this support group is a great thing and please keep posting. you need to know that your NOT a bad person, you ARE worthy of real love and acceptance. ending your life is not the way. there are people here who will help you. reach out and take help and support.

slow down honey, you can't work on all those things at the same time. I KNOW how overwhelming it can be. i to did the drugs, booze, was raped, molested as a child, struggled in school (barely graduated high school) i've been in that deep dark pit and you feel like you can't get out and there are no options. but sweet serenty there is. even if you don't feel it, just know it. so glad to hear you are in therepy.....if your gonna heal you have to get HONEST about what's deep inside. i had major issue with my mom and she said the same kind of things to me. but you see back then i outwardly i did'nt care....i was very tough on the outside but just dying on the inside.

and you are right that you cannot put all the stress on Brian....you can share it with him and get support. remember honey Brian can't make it all better. He can help and support but you have to do the work with loving people around you that believe in you and will help you continue in the RIGHT direction. If there is anything i can do honey let me know. will keep you in my prayers. i'm all ears if you'd like to talk on the private post.

I bet Brian is REAL cute. He sounds it. Glad you have him for support. Have a good day sweetheart and hugs from houston

its so nice to hear that someone else knows how im feeling. at times like these i wonder if im just crazy or being dealt a difficult life. either way im pushing through, slowly bnut i am. i lvoe this site, its helped so much so far. i love it. and i would love to talk more to you but i dont know how to do private chats or posts. do you have a cell phone? we could talk on the phone or txt.but i would really appreciate your time. thank alot!!