I'm at a loss. I have been in this relationship for over 7

I'm at a loss.
I have been in this relationship for over 7 years and we are engaged. Recently things have started to fall apart. I am a big guy and she told me that she wants me to lose weight as she is starting to fantasize about the guys she sees at work who have the good bodies and she wants that and does not know how long she can resist the urge. This is just one of our issues. I am a practical man, so I understand where she is coming from; but it hurts. Now I have this problem that I am doubting my trust in her which I have never done. This is causing severe anxiety and effecting every aspect of my life heaving especially my work. Is it worth feeling this way? I love her to bits but I hate this.

2 Hearts

Hi there Sadman101 - I hope I don't offend you with anything that I say next. The woman that you are engaged to SHOULD love you just the way you are, whether big, slim, tall, short.......It's what's inside that counts. And I feel sad for you that she has told you she fantasizes about other men with good bodies ??? :( That is very shallow on her behalf and I am sorry if that upsets you as I know you said you love this girl. I understand if someone that loves you says try get fit and lose weight because they are concerned about possible health problems that are related to it. Of course you are doubting and having trust issues. She told you she "doesn't know how long she can resist the urge" ?? You asked the question "is it worth feeling this way ?" NO IT ISN"T. A person that you are going to wed loves you for who you are and exactly how you are at anytime. I know everyone is different but I just don't understand how your fiance can say that to you ? Imagine turning the tables and saying to her "hey that chick has bigger boobs if you don't get yours sorted out I may not be able to resist the urge ?" Thats awful. Can I just tell you to think carefully about marriage ? I'm just thinking that if it is possible for someone to say they may not be able to control themselves now being engaged it won't change being married :( I'm so sorry to be so honest.

1 Heart

@Stricken1980 thank you for your reply. I hear everything you say, and I do agree with you. I am willing to get into shap for her, and I have started training and she is helping me do so and motivating me. My major concern is, is it too little to late? Will she be prepared to wait for it to happen. We also have a 2 year old son which complicates matters somewhat.

@Sadman101 Welcome to SG! You will meet many wonderful people here, fondly called SG friends. The bottom of the page is a FAQ, it will assist you in navigating the site. The top right of this page are numerous groups, also there is a Support Someone icon, familarized yourself with them. You may join as many groups as necessary. There are Anxiety, Relationship, and Stress groups. Remember you're not alone, SG friends are here, to support, and be supported. Be strong the best is yet, to follow......

And sorry I wanted to say you mentioned that's one of your problems ? If you do work out and lose weight and get the body that she wants you to have will there be something else that she feels you have to fix ? Just be true to you and remember who you are and that you are a person too :)

@Stricken1980 you see the main other problem is that due to past relationships falling a part I am an emotionless person. I could never show her the love and affection she deserved. I also never felt any love towards her. The only reason I knew I loved her was because every time I thought about her leaving or something happening to her I would start crying. This has happened from the start of our relationship and she has stuck by my side through it all. Two years ago my mom passed away from cancer and it took me into another downward spiral. She stuck by me. I have been doing a lot of reflecting the past couple of days and realize that she is more than likely where she is at the moment (feelings about our relationship wise) because of how I have treated her, or rather how I did not treat her. The current situation we are in has rocked me to my core and for some reason I am actually feeling love for her I am able to be affectionate and romantic for the first time in our relationship. But I fear it may be too little too late.

I think it's really cruel that she stayed with u 4 7 yrs and said yes 2 marrying u and then tells u ur not her type. I think u should find some1 who really cares about u bc she clearly doesnt

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OK You whip yourself into the shape she wants you to be and marry her... What happens next year when she dreams up a new "you" she wants you to be?

1 Heart