Hi I'm 16 years old and ever since a messy break up with my girlfriend I've been getting strange thoughts, it started off really small, I would think maybe I should be gay, that kind of thing and I knew I wasn't, and it's got to a stage now where whenever the word gay comes up I feel anxious and worried that I might be gay, and my mind tells me I'm gay, but I don't think I am, but I get disturbing thoughts and I just feel so so sick, also when I look at men, it sometimes spikes up unwanted thoughts, and I don't want to be gay, but I don't know if I am, it makes me feel sick thinking Bout it.... And I hate thinking about it, I can forget about it all when I'm having fun, but laying in bed before sleeping, the thoughts spike up - then just. Now I did some research and I think I might have hocd, I also get horrible thoughts about molesting people, hurting people and it makes me want to cry, I think I'm a sick twisted person, and I don't k ow what's wrong.....
I also have researched medication becuase I want these thoughts to go away, but does anyone have an idea on what I can do?
Hi Garlickson,
First I really admire you having the courage to come on here and talk about it. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. I am sure you are sick of hearing this, but 16 just is a difficult time. My younger son had a terrible time during his middle to late teens.
Wondering about sexuality is very normal. Just about everyone has gone through this. Its also normal to have same sex "crushes" as people call it. None of it means you are gay. However if you were, there is nothing wrong with that either. Sexuality is not something any of us has any control over. I a lot older than you, and thank god attitudes towards gay people have improved, although things still have a way to go before people understand that sexuality is not a choice. Its predetermined in your development before you are born. But it doesnt sound from what you wrote that you are gay. A break up with a girl especialy at your age is very difficult.It is very common for people to have feelings like those you describe. Even the thoughts you talk about are most likely normal and things that enter everyones mind at some points in their lives. The difference is are you just thinking about it, or do you have strong urges to do these things?
My personal view is that counseling is a good idea with people in your age group to help you sort out what "normal" is. Its different for everyone, and sometimes talking to someone who is not from your family, someone objective, is easier. And professional counselors have training to deal with this. If you have an adult in your family that you can talk to without feeling uncomfortable, I would do that. If not, try the school counselor or a community clinic. What you say is confidential.
The only thing that would worry me is if you felt you wanted to hurt yourself or someone else, or act out cruelty with animals. Thoughts and uncontrolable urges are miles apart, and all kinds of thoughts are possible, even now as someone who is a lot older than you, stress like you have been going through puts some odd thoughts in my head too. From what you write I think you are going through a normal but difficult time.
Please continue to post here, people are very helpful and no one will judge you.
I hope I was of some help.
dr
Thank you, and they are thoughts just thoughts which I get in my head and can't stop thinking about them, I've jumped from thinking I'm skits to finnaly challenge these thoughts, and to find other people with the same problem is just perfect and has already made me feel so much better, and I get worried I may be a pedo when I grow up or might hurt someone but deep Down I know I won't, becuase I feel ill thinking about it and it's so f***ing horrible and I want to get rid if these thoughts, it seems as my mind is playing tricks on me, the annoying thing is, I think about something bad, and it stays in my mind and keeps popping up! I will take any medicine or whatever to keep thoughts at bay, so I can concentrate on school work, becuase it us affecting my life, so how would I go about getting help? Seeing a doctor? Thanks.
Hello, I'm going through the same thing,Your not gay, its HOCD from what I pick up of reading it, but i'm not doctor. I understand it doesn't make any sense, I'm in a loving relationship with a man for nearly three years, and I always fear that this will destroy our future, because I know its not through. I would speak to someone like a parent/guardian? I don't think you would put you on medication or to see a doctor without parent/guardian at your age. Just think everytime it happens that is your HOCD talking not your real self.
Try these sites, they might answer a few questions.
http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php
http://www.brainphysics.com/yourenotgay.php
(Try not to go onto any gay/lesbian forums, its will only cofuse your head more)
And If you need to talk to someone and ask questions i'm here :)
Good Luck :)
x
Thanks for your help :) you've helped alot!!
The thoughts may be from the devil too!!
Pray against them.
Jordan
It certainly sounds like OCD. I have OCD and I have had intrusive thoughts just like yours. Intrusive thoughts about being homosexual, pedophile, criminal, evil....everything. You are not s sick twisted person. I bet hearing the comments up above about you being young and questioning your sexuality made you anxious and worry more. You certainly should talk to your doctor. Tell him/her what you think and maybe they can refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you through this. I know at your age you're probably thinking you would rather just take meds to make it go away. People with OCD are put on antidepressants. And antidepressants in people at your age have to be closely monitored because it can cause terrible side effects. The antidepressants for OCD are SSRI's. Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. Please talk to your doctor I was in the same place as you 9 years ago. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago. The meds worked beautifully for me. I am glad you reached out to people. It will get better. You have to talk to your doctor or a councillor. Google OCD symptoms and the intrusive thoughts part and explain to someone you trust that you are experiencing some of the symptoms. If you have anymore questions I am here :). Take care.