I'm confused... heart broken.... my heart is ripping apart

I'm confused... heart broken.... my heart is ripping apart. I know he is cheating on me, or at least trying to.... I am sure he has in the past and think he is looking to again. He mentally and emotionally abuses me everyday. I love him too much, don't know how to stop... also don't know how to make him leave without him getting physically abusive as he has done in the past. It is MY house he lives in. He puts me down daily.... I build him up daily. Anytime I say more then a few words, he says I am complaining or arguing.
I am addicted to him, he knows just what to say and do. He holds me close in bed every night so I can fall asleep. He is warm and smells good.
I am not allowed to go anywhere alone.... only to work. I have to have my cell phone on me at all times, because if he tries to call or message me and I don't answer right away, he accuses me of sleeping around, I never have. I love him, desire him, crave him. I am sick and need help. I need him out, I need to move on.... but I don't know how.
Why do I love him? He did all the right things when we first met..... then so slowly I didn't know what was happening, he was controlling me....
I found out almost a year after living with him that he was doing METH.... I put him in jail..... but stupid me gave him another chance a couple weeks after he got out. I had though he changed, he got a job, helped with a bit of money, then a few weeks ago came home high.... I told myself he had one slip in almost a year..... he wouldn't admit to being high, but sadly I know what to look for now..... Now I see he is looking for sex in trade for drugs on Craigslist.. I am afraid and alone.... don't know how to make him leave without being hurt.
I am so stupid.....

Call the cops or a male family member/friend. They will be able to protect you while getting him out. I am sorry that happened to you. You need to drop him and move on. You are worthy/deserve so much more. He is not the one for you. One day you will find someone will love, respect, and protect you. Who will do that all those things and not change. You are not stupid. Remove yourself from the situation and move on. Use this as a learning experience for next time. I hope this helps.

1 Heart