I'm confused!

a friend of mine has BDD and i joked about a picture he put up ONLY saying for him to put his shirt on and take his sunglasses off. he knows me to joke and i didnt point anything out - i also asked why he take pictures with his shirt off - though i only saw his arm and shoulder mostly. he got very angry with me and told me to **** off if i cant say anything nice and then took the picture down. i apologized and told him i actually liked the picture and was just joking as a cover-up (because i probably shouldnt be liking what i see....im married, etc.) then he went off on me like i ran him over with my car or something. i couldnt believe it. he said i criticized him and joking or not it was annoying. he said to never comment on a picture again even if its a compliment. he was VERY VERY nasty with me. i could not believe it. is this how someone with BDD acts??? how do i handle it? he was teased for his height and looks (??) as a kid so i am sure that of course affected him big time but i wasnt making fun of him (in my eyes). i had also told him before that i thought he was cute and had a great body. so i'm confused! i dont know how to handle this.... he gets very angry in general soooooo fast and tells people about anything that he disagrees with. he is filled with so much ammunition and really attacks like you cant believe. ?????

Sweetjane, I am so sorry for what you're going through with your friend. You know in your heart that you meant it in a joking manner, though very unfortunately if he has any self esteem issues, then it was hurtful. I don't necessarily think that he has BDD, because you mentioned that he was teased when he was younger. I definitely know how that can stick with someone and you also never know what was going on with him that day. He could have had a bad day overall and been in a bad mindset, so when you posted the comment about his photo it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

You did all that you can do, you apologized and told him that you were joking. Maybe give him some space for now. If anything call and let him know how badly you feel about it and that it didn't come from a bad place, but you were just being silly/sarcastic. It will all be fine, please don't be hard on yourself. Smile and be happy. It's just a mini blip with a friend that you two will get over, it happens.

Oh sorry Sweetjane, I just re-read your post and you actually confirmed that your friend does have BDD. I initially thought that you were asking us if he did have BDD based on his reaction and behavior. If he has BDD, then I can see where he would have taken that comment to heart. It totally makes sense. My comment still remains that same otherwise, I know that you two will make it through this, let him know that you're sorry again and that you weren't coming from a bad place. He will forgive you.

I didn't point anything out in particular nor made fun of him and he knows I joke so I was really taken back by his attitude with me. Even after I explained and apologized he was still pissed off. He SEEMS to be ok now but do people with BDD get like that??? It was unreal to me and he made me feel incredibly horrible. He's a fairly new friend and I had forgotten he said he has BDD but even so I didn't pick him apart at all with my comment. How do I handle him as someone with BDD or is that just something else with him maybe - his intensity, quick to be angry and omg when he is angry he is HARSH. ??

If he told you that he has BDD, then any issues relating his body will be incredibly sensitive. So, I guess when you commented on his photo, he really took it to heart because of his BDD. He could have other issues, but that one seems to be prevalent, most especially by his reaction. Maybe just steer clear of anything involving his looks. Please don't feel badly about it, because it wasn't coming from a bad place, you were just being silly.

Has he ever been to a therapist for his BDD or other possible issues?

no therapist for him. but now i am really confused because after the way he spoke to me i really believed he was so angry with me and i felt very bad so i sent him a message asking if he felt better, etc. - he acted like i was crazy because he said he was fine and that i am misinterpreting "tone" in his emails (????) and that a 1/2 hour after he took his photo down he was fine and had forgotten about it. he says we are fine and is making me feel like i am going crazy! i think HE is! ?????? i really need help with this because i really like him but i am wondering if he is bipolar, on drugs or lying - ?????

he goes from hot to cold with no explanation....
one day he is complimenting me or flirting with me or doing a two hour research and plan for a new career for me and the next day he is telling me to **** off because of something stupid or just acting cold and distant in general. this is constant... hot to cold all the time.

Based on his behavior, is he really being a good friend to you? Have you ever actually met him in person and do you know his other family and friends? From what you've shared, I don't believe that you have. Also, I don't like the way that he flirts with you since you are married and there has to be a level of respect there, but he also has a live-in girlfriend and another girl in the States. It's a very uncertain scenario if you haven't ever met him or any of his friends/family. I just don't want you to invest anymore time in someone who could be shady. Give love, time and attention to those who really deserve it.

haha - now im really confused. he lives with a girl he is not in love with and intends to break up with her - they are just good friends anymore. this other girl he met online and has been "with" her for over a year or close to it (?) - he just flirts with me - but only comments - nothing heavy. except for those two times that he actually said stuff - its mainly half-joking around. nothing can ever happen nor will.

I just don't know about this guy, something doesn't seem or feel right about him based on what you've shared in your posts. So if you only know him online, then is he really a friend? I'm just afraid that he can be telling you just about anything at this stage, but you really don't know him. You haven't met him in person, or his family and friends. My gut is to distance yourself from him and focus on your good friends in life. I am sure that you have an array of friends and a great husband that all deserve your time and attention.

ok - i see your point. what do you make of his taking time out to personalize a career path for me? two hour research with results.? i am thinking he is distancing himself from me because up until this past week he has been consistent with being a good friend. he may seriously have been hurt and pretending it doesnt affect him realizing he may have gone overboard. ? of course you dont know him. up until last week he really was a good friend, standing up for me, being nice, joking, doing that research - ? and his advice was very sound as well - always giving very good advice....????

Okay, I understand where he was a good friend to you through career support, as well as standing up for you and giving you good advice. Thus, maybe giving him a few days nonetheless and allowing him some space. We, as women, are a lot more emotional and overly-analytical, whereas men have an easier time moving on and away from a situation. Meaning, he probably is over the situation and probably just needed a bit of space because he felt that you were over-reacting. That's just my opinion, I could be completely off.

yep - that's exactly it - he thought i was over-reacting when clearly HE was. his message was intense and very nasty! so that's why i am confused - part of why at least. yes i am laying low for now - waiting impatiently in hopes he will say something to me (doubtful though - i may have to say something in a few days - but just casual). what the hell? i dont want to be like this.

I'm so sorry for how he treated you and for what you are going through. Time will heal all wounds and you two will be back to a great friendship again. A true friendship would not be over due to something so simple and silly. You meant no harm whatsoever, he just blew it out of proportion.