I'm desperate for someone to understand what this is like

No one in my family, none of my friends, absolutely no one in my life understands the horrible feelings this gives me. I need help. I just need someone to understand. "You're beautiful, just stop" is the most frustrating thing and I hear it all the time. Everyone is fed up with hearing me obsess. I can't even stand myself I can't believe that I just spent 30 dollars on food so I could throw it all up. I just want some control.

hey there. i'm the same way. although i don't have anyone to share my horrible addiction with to get feedback -- i spend INSANE amounts of $$$ typically EVERY DAY (more or less). only my ex-husband and an old college friend know of my b/p.

i live a life in secretcy which is even more awful. i recommend continue to surround yourself with support from this site and others who truly understand the pain you are going through.

do you best and take it meal by meal - not day by day! lol

caroline

I am a recovered Bulimic. I know exactly where you guys are coming from! I was so secretive. Years of my life were spent focused around food. Where and how I could get it, where and how I could consume it in private and where and how I could get rid of it! I had no truly close friends because of the **** eating disorder. Relationships were a disaster. I knew every toilet in town, and when I couldn't find one, outside was fine. I was a liar. Lies would just spew from my mouth. I would say whatever I had to not to get found out! I weighed myself probably 10 times a day. I was a thief. Sometimes I stole food. Sometimes I stole other things. Everything in my life was compulsive. Even exercise. I was driving myself crazy, not to mention my family.

No the, "your beautiful, just stop," is BS! The crap of it is your eating disorder is just a symptom of something else going on inside. At least mine was anyway. It was a way for me to cope with emotions, stress, boredom, frustration...you name it. It was my number one coping mechanism! It was even a way for me to take time for myself.

Although I don't binge and purge anymore, that period of my life will always be with me. And I am grateful for it. It is like a big old warning siren. If I start to have urges to binge and purge or get overly focused on my weight or diet, I know I need to slow down and analyze how I am feeling.

I don't know what you guys find helpful, but I recovered through the help of an outpatient program at a hospital designed specifically for eating disorders. I took prozac, saw a therapist, a nutritionist, and attended group therapy. The most helpful was the group therapy. It felt good to know I wasn't alone in my shameful behavior and you know, we were even able at times to laugh about it. It was helpful to have to fess up to others about my behavior. Even more helpful was that fact that no one judged me! Not even the doctors. It was a shock really and made it easier to talk about.

So, I am with you two! You are not alone!