I'm disturbed to have caught my partner of only 3yrs watching porn. He does not know I know. I waited to be sure and saw it twice. I am struggling with this. I came out of a 36yr marriage in which I was cheated on. I trust this man not to cheat, but now find I shouldn't have trusted him wholly. Or, would you people in SG not consider this cheating?
I don't see it as a cheating. I see it as a hobby that you are not approving of/dislike.
tell him that you don't like it, if you don't like it and if you want him to stop. but i don't even know if that's necessary. But i know that some people are so against that habit, if that's you, then sit down with him and have a talk. Isn't that what it means to be an adult? anyway, I'm sorry you are struggling.
and if you are afraid of something might happen, share that fear with him, in honest and civil way.
I'm sure he will want to have a good talk with you, if he loves you and get that what you are going through.
CF2, I do see it as cheating - it is very demeaning to the spouse of the person who is looking at porn. I am currently separated from my husband of 38 years because of this issue - it happened nearly 20 years ago with a few relapses in between then and now - but I still cannot get over the feeling of not being enough to satisfy my husband. I suggest that you do NOT let another day go by before you talk with your partner about this - do not engage in an argument, just let him know exactly how it makes you feel and request that he stop; if he is not willing or able then he is probably already addicted which means he needs counseling - there is lots of help out there, just do an internet search - SAA is one of the biggest and oldest organizations that handle this. I will be praying for you! Please DO NOT do what I did - sticking my head in the sand and pretending nothing was wrong!!
@alicer I suppose after finding out my husband of 36yrs had been having sex with the same two women since the day we married, this didn’t seem as big an issue. I suppose I’m now accepting that sex for men is very different to sex for women. I’m reluctant to say they will all have something we don’t approve of, but I’m sure it’s true. Even my own gorgeous son who is a model husband tells me as a man, it is very hard for him to not have his eye caught by a woman passing by. He tells me they are wired that way and have to work at resisting looking, out of respect for their partner. I’ve come to the conclutsion after 66yrs, that I have to accept these differences ( so long as they are not flaunted) or live alone. For now I will try to live with this knowledge and see what the future brings. I don’t think anything could cause me the pain that physical cheating caused me. So, for now I think Ive made the right choice. I so appreciate your input. Thank you. I hope you found happiness.