Im done

Hello,

My boyfriend is not talking to me. Im mad at him. He was supposed to come up to see me and he didnt. He told me today he has to study. For what? Hes not in school. Hes a high school drop out. He lives far from me. He thinks I should always go to see him, that he never should come to see me. I hate it. We made love the other night and he said that he loves me but, now hes treating me like crap. I hate it. I think hes using me. But, I dont know. I am crying so hard. He wanted to go to a Native American Pow Wow tomorrow but, as soon as I said I would go too, he said he doesnt want to go anymore. I wanted to go to spend the day with him at the Wild Waves Water Park on Monday for his birthday but, his boyfriend who works at the park didnt get me a ticket. Yes, I did say his boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are bisexual. He is in a relationship with a man and me. Im cool with that. I dont care. But, hes spending all the time with him, not me. Maybe, Im just being jealous. I dont know. So, I said I will pay for a ticket to the water park so I can be with him for his birthday but, hes not telling me whether he wants that or not. I called him. His boyfriend answered and said that my boyfriend is "busy". I asked him if he could have my boyfriend call or text me and he just said "hes busy". Im really frustrated. Is he breaking up with me? Should I end it on my own so I dont have to deal with the pain of him saying "its over" to me. What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something that made him mad? Hes my first boyfriend and I think I did something wrong and now he hates me. Ive not eaten in 3 days and I dont feel like doing so. Id rather die and suffer than be happy. I want to cut but, I wont because then I will be in the hospital and I dont want that. Im just tired of being used. Im tired of being treated like Im trash or like an object. Why do some men feel that they can treat women like that? Its not OK. And I was going to move to be closer to this guy I thought loved me. Im not moving till we talk about this.

Im so sad. Wanna give up.

Sasha

Oh sweetie... you deserve more than you are getting... I believe that you teach people how to treat you... if this boy is interested in someone else let him go and find someone who is just for you. I say go to the powwow... I say find a friend and go somewhere fun... NOT where those guys are... I say take care fo yourself... take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I deserve to be treated like I am special because I AM special"... go get your nails done, or go join a book club or go for a walk or whatever it is that is good for you and will make you feel peaceful and happy or something JUST FOR YOU. I think he is probably telling you exactly what he thinks of your relationship by his actions. This is not a good experience for first love.

Hello Jessica,

I wound up sleeping in so I didnt go to the Pow Wow today. My boyfriend and I spoke and hes going to call me later so we can work this issue out. When I first meet people, Im shy and can be rude if I feel they are rubbing me the wrong way. I have to get through this.

Thanks.

Sasha

You say you are cool with this 3 way relationship but truth is you're not! You can see he is getting closer to this guy, spending more time with him and less with you... The writings on the wall in plain English but you ask for an interpreter, hoping what you see isn't really there. Don't play games with him or yourself. Tell HIM it's over. He will probably come crawling back if you leave him alone, but even still he will probably cheat again. Ask yourself what you really want from a healthy relationship, not a toxic one. Do you have any diagnosis? Are you seeing a therapist? Are you on meds or supposed to be on meds? I'm more concerned about you and why you are convincing yourself that his behavior is ok but then you end up mad at yourself, thinking you've done something wrong when all you want is to be loved.
Hey you are in a good place now that you have joined this SG. We are here to help and listen. Love yourself first and foremost and everything else will fall into place. When I say love yourself first I mean spend time alone, learning about yourself , why you self injure (BPD?), see a therapist, take meds if necessary, and let go of the rest for now. True love awaits you if you can get healthy... My bf just dumped me after 2 years with a text message. The other night he contacted me to say he was gonna call but he hasn't. Do guess what I'm gonna do? Nothing! Not a **** thing.... I have to take care of me first and that's what I'm gonna do.

Love and hugs for you!!