I'm feeling emotional, guilty, scared all at once hopefully someone can give me some advice and not judge me.
I'm 22 and have a lot to learn ahead of me. I've moved in with my ex (his request) last year due to me saving money from housing with college. At the time we had a mutal break up over the summer but I wanted to make the relationship work regardless if he had already jumped into a new relationship. So we was still talking and having sex even in his new relationship. Eventually they broke up cause he went back with me. But maybe it was an mistake. Maybe I needed more time to figure out myself because I was a wreck during the break up and just jumped back with my ex and not giving it time. I was seeking therapy at school and trying to understand everything.We've been together for 4 years now.
When I moved in we went back together and things went ok. Even though we went back together there was some things that I've notice is still there that didn't change. I love him but I don't think I love him like how I used to from before. I don't feel the spark anymore and we barely have sex. Mostly I don't feel like having sex with him at all because I get annoyed of him. He still makes me laugh and we get along together well. I'm happy but I don't think I'm that happy with him. I don't know.
I've met someone new
couple months ago and I think I'm in love with him. He makes me feel different and treats me like a queen. With my ex well now bf still I had to beg for his attention. With this new person I really like him, when I'm around him I get butterflies and I get that spark from him. He makes me feel happy and I enjoy spending time with him. I also have strong feelings for him and I really care for.
The only issue, is that I'm still living with my ex/now bf which now he notices a change in me and he is now showing me his old self again. He starting to notice that I'm not showing my old self like how I was before (loving excited to see him etc). I've met new friends now and I go out with them most of the time.
This new person wants to start a future with me but I'm at a crossroads because I don't want to hurt either of these two men but I can't carry on with both for the rest of my life. With my ex/bf we got a car together and if I break it off I honestly don't have any family members close that I can go live with and I can't afford to live in a place right now. So it's like I'm homeless. I don't want to move in with the new guy cause that's what he really wants. Especially in the near future he wants us to build a future and move on together.
Every time the new guy asks me to sleep over I always give him some excuse or not answer him. In the beginning I slept over 2 or 3 times but now its making him wonder what's going on cause im not telling him 100% the truth with everything. He feels that he shouldn't have to beg me to sleep over if I miss him and want to be with him. Which honestly I do want to be with him. Maybe I need something new something fresh. I've been with my ex/bf now when I was 17.
I have a friend that I talk to but she told me I need to make an decision real soon and do what's best for me. And make sure that I know what I want before making the wrong decision. She just end her 5 yr relationship because she wasn't happy and was talking to a guy prior her relationship and ended it with her bf for the new dude because she is really happy with him. She tells me I'm still young and still have a lot to learn.
I could really use some help on this.