I'm feeling numb. After my wife leaving for the fourth time,

I'm feeling numb. After my wife leaving for the fourth time, I've finally had enough and insisted on cutting contact with her. This is the second time that I've done this. She reacted by blowing up my phone, but I didn't answer the calls or read any of her text messages or emails. She then showed up at my business asking why I hadn't responded to her. She told me that she had asked in the messages repeatedly to come back home after I broke contact. She always does this when she feels me pulling away. I know she's just manipulating me, but it's difficult to not buy in. She's good at dangling the worm in front of my face. For me the hardest part about dealing with BPD is that it mimics NPD which I'm better at dealing with because I'm a super empath. Narcissist in my experience never apologize. However she will apologize and be genuinely remorseful until the next episode. She makes me think that she genuinely wants to try and make the marriage work. Maybe she does, but it takes a highly motivated BPD person to get into the proper therapy (DBT) to help change and she doesn't believe there's anything wrong with her. On the contrary, she says that I try to gas-light her into thinking that she's crazy. Could use some support right about now. Thanks.

1 Heart

It's very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who has mental health issues, yet refuses to do anything about it. Having a spouse leave you on several occasions takes a toll on you as well as the relationship. Relationships take trust. It's hard to trust someone who is constantly leaving. Dealing with both issues can feel overwhelming.

You know the cycle that you're in, and you're putting your foot down. Recognizing that she's manipulative, will blow up your phone, and make apologies so that you'll come running back is a big step forward. It takes courage to stand up for yourself. What you're doing is not easy.

You've been through a lot. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with so much. Separating from a spouse isn't easy. Contemplating divorce is heartwrenching. Doing what's best for you is hard.

Be patient with yourself. You're not alone. There are wonderful people on this site. Please continue to post anytime you need support, want to talk, or just to vent.

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Hi, I know this has been awhile since your post. I hope all is well, I related to your post. My exe was a lot like yours, so I really feel for you. I have been out for 3 years and can't believe I excepted such an emotional abusive relationship. The real kicker is when we broke up I missed him, mourned the relationship and hoped to reconcile. My experience is what you permit will persist and it really effected my self esteem and emotional health for a long time. I have made great strides in taking care of myself, and doing the deep dive into why I married this guy when I knew something was wrong. I hope things get better, keep reaching out .

@sarasun Thank you so much for the support. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been on here, because like a dumbass I let het come back with ristrictions and bounderies. It worked for a bit, but she manipulated a situation to justify her leaving again. I’ve been watching some good videos. One in particular is “The impossible connection loving someone with/ borderline personality disorder” It’s difficult to hear but has helped me tremendously. Thanks again for your support.

Im sorry for all you've dealt with. I'm currently dealing with the same type of person in opposite roles. We both mention leaving but no one ever has. Mostly me staying because I get the guilt trip to why the relationship ending is my fault and my responsibility to explain my screw ups to our kids under 6 as if they'll understand. My s/o always contradicts himself saying he may be bipolar, then will deny that he's got mental health issues, and believes that speaking vague truths to a counselor once a week will not get too far. But in a sense, my first mistake was starting a relationship/family without any expectations/boundaries ever set, and before we truly knew each other. I'm working on finally getting out of this relationship. Because I cant take this tug of war anymore. Trying to help someone with a Personality disorder is definitely hard when they dont want real help. I hope you're doing better.

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@iCanBeStrong1 I’m dooing well. Just have to sh*t or get off the pot.