I'm feeling overwhelmed. My story is a little complicated. In 2015 I met someone who became my boyfriend. We dated for 5 years on and off. It was a complicated and toxic relationship. We stopped talking for 2 years. And I've noticed that he has changed a lot. He's doing a lot more than he used to.
Within that time, he never video chatted me and he never would send me pictures when I would ask. Only when he wanted to. And although he never video chatted me people felt like I should be happy that I was getting pictures from him.
Unfortunately, with the whole catfish situation that was on tv, and with a comment that he made when he was starting to talk to me for the first time, I felt like there was a chance that I was being catfished.
For years I caught a lot of things that he said that did not make sense and did not match up with what he said. And then this year he ended up telling me that the person in the photos is not actually him, and that it's actually a friend that he knew.
On top of that he also came out as bisexual and now he's telling me he wants to transition. He told me that he knew for a long time that he wanted to transition. But he can't put a time frame to it. But when he told me the reason he wanted to transition was because he felt like women have it easier in life than he had right now, I felt like that was a cop out. Because I don't think women have it easier.
To be clear, I don't care if he wants to transition; however, for years I imagine meeting this person and seeing who they actually were. And then to find out that he's not actually who he said he was I want to find out even more. But I'm also concerned that he's going to regret transitioning because he's basing it on an impulsive decision. I personally don't think transitioning because you think women have it easier is a good reason to transition, and knowing him he would be miserable if he made a mistake because he was trying to escape the problems in his life rather than dealing with it.
I don't know how to feel because I am queer. I'm newly queer. I do like women and I have intimate dreams of women a lot which is why I ended up coming out as queer about a year and a half to two years ago. But I am attracted to masculine people mostly, regardless of if they're women or men. And I don't know how to feel. There's a lot going on at the moment in my head.
And the reason why I bring up my Attraction part is because I still have major feelings for him, and finding out that he isn't who he said he was all these years is kind of heartbreaking. That's heartbreaking because every time I think about the memories that I made with him I feel like I don't know who he really is and these daydreams that I had of when we finally met are shattered because the person who I'm thinking about isn't him. And then the fact that he's transitioning is huge because I don't know what that means for me. I will never get to know who he really is before he transitions. And I don't really know how I feel being with someone who transitions.
If he wants to be transgendered I'm happy for him. But at the same time I'm going to admit it and I'm going to be selfish and say that I'm not ready for whoever he is to transition. I wanted to meet him and he doesn't want to meet me until he's transitioned. And I feel like I'm going to miss the opportunity to meet the person that I was in love with for years. The man. And it's not about him being a man. It's just that I had this idea in my head of who he is and now he's not who he is. Or he's not going to be who I think he is. But also I don't want him transitioning because he's making an impulsive decision. I don't want him to regret it.
And I'm sure there's going to be people on here who are going to jump down my throat because of my thoughts but I'm a human being for crying out loud who doesn't know how to feel right now and I'm really confused. I'm really heartbroken and I feel like I'm losing someone that I love I feel like I lost someone that I love and I'm angry that I was lied to for all these years. I feel like I was a beard and I just don't know how to feel.
I just want to know if anybody else was in the same situation before and how did you deal with it. I don't want to be put down because my feelings are my feelings. So please if you have nothing helpful to say please don't say it.