Im going through a ton of stress, Im a gay person living i

Im going through a ton of stress,
Im a gay person living in a country where that is illegal, 5 years ago i met someone special and my life turned around building on the hope that some day i will leave the country just like him and be with him finally,
Well, that came true not fully yet but im in the process, now im in the final process of finishing my visa application for a student visa, and im so short on time due to the university that i enrolled in delaying my confirmation papers,
I have went through a lot, and its been mentally taxing on me to the point that im physically in pain, i had to quit my job my actual dream job, collect enough money for the process, run around the country to collect all the papers… and im tired, its too close to work out yet so far,
TW!!
I feel depressed and anxious most of the time, I haven’t slept in a week and i feel like crying, and the idea of sleeping without waking up has passed my mind and it’s becoming more frequent lately, almost daily…
Im used to cutting my self on the leg and i stopped months ago and i do t want to go back to it, but im so tempted
The crave for it is so bad i never felt like that before
Im afraid to see a doctor and i have no one to talk to as my partner is going through a lot as well
Im currently in fear of my life, and i have no clue where to go, i see no near end or relief and i want it to be over as soon as possible
If my visa gets rejected, im not sure ill wake up again
When i was a teen i used to fantasize about ending it and one of these plans is realistic and doable and i feel the time for that is coming soon
This is the only time in my life i see no way out
I feel my hart being crushed by my ribcage and my scull collapsing on my brain
Every day i see the sun rise and i wonder if thats the last time i see it

2 Hearts

Welcome to SG. What country is it that you live? I feel bad that you can not be who you want to be were you live. It's not right to live in fear like this.

@Jennipain
I honestly fear to mention the country that im from
But its in the Middle East reagin