Im going to move in with my boyfriend soon. I have a huge anxiety. I love him but my mind wont let me do this. Its telling me that Im going to be gay. And when I try to picture the life with my boyfriend at the new apartment , it only popping up picture of women. I hate this. Im now so terrifying and have anxiety. If this happend one years ago I would felt excited but now I have anxiety. :( I want to live a life with my boyfriend not a women. Hate having HOCD
1 Heart
My mind is also telling me its not HOCD. Im just afraid to face the truth. Its so confusing.
@23ygrl Have you talked to your boyfriend about it?
@23ygrl PLEASE don't move in with him! If you think you are Gay then you probably are. Figure yourself out before making that type of commitment. I'm speaking from experience.
@Sweetkris Hi i am also speaking from expirience; please figure out the group or the context to which you want to comment before you do. This is the HOCD group, which is a sub-form (Theme) of OCD dealing with sexual orientation related anxiety. Your comment will have the opposite effect of what you intented.
Sorry I will leave. I'm new to the site and don't understand it yet. Have a good day.
@Sweetkris We understand, and appreciate your effort. Have a nice day 
I developed HOCD (if that's what it is), a month after my boyfriend and I bought a house together. I moved in with him despite the doubts and thoughts. It is hard not knowing what you are, and it is hard to have a completely fulfilling and intimate relationship because of ocd, but I know I'm happy being with him and I know I'm not interested in anything else. One thing that I think I'd like to do, is get married to him, but at the same time there are questions about whether that would be the right choice because I might be gay and can't say yes to a proposal due to not knowing what I am. I'll even pray that he won't ask me but then at the same time I want the proposal... it's confusing because what is the truth, what do I want! I think we just need to go with the flow of things despite these doubts, you know? You know who you are, you know how you think, it's what you choose to take at face value or discard. Before HOCD I'd always deliberate about whether I should be with my boyfriend, his morality of character.... I'm pretty sure it was ROCD or extreme insecurity... but one day I just decided I had enough because I knew my thought patterns (the negativity and whatnot), and I knew after testing myself over and over again by imagining us breaking up, that I loved him. Even before I was diagnosed with ocd I remember telling myself that I need to listen to my heart (metaphorically) because I can't trust my head. My point is, is that you just have to keep moving forward despite the lunacy of this disorder.... I think we all know what we want deep down, it's just that ocd is creating havoc.
1 Heart
@Bria869 I know that I want to be with him but Im sweating, terrifying and anxious. What if it wont work and what if my fear is true and its not HOCD. Even if I have all proof that Its HOCD and that Im straight Im still doubting. Did you ever talked with your boyfriend about your HOCD ?
Yes, I told him about it after about five months. He was understanding and still tolerates my question asking but gets frustrated understandably. He reassures me that healthy minded people don't question and analyze something like this for over two years. I know he tries his best to understand but he wants me to be rid of it already. If your boyfriend loves you, he's going to be there for you. You don't need to share everything about this with him if it doesn't make you comfortable. But you remember that telling him is going to open the door to needing to ask him for reassurance.