I'm having a paranioa epidsode. It was triggered by the way my father in law behaves. Trust me , he constantly pretends like he is in stealth mode and hiding something.For an example, when he talks to my spouse he lowers his voice so I can't hear and acts all dramatic when i walk near or call him out.. Anyways, if you'd like to know where my head is keep reading
.Another trigger is hormonal fluctuations. My breast have been tender so I know I'm fluctuating.
Ok, here I go. Right now, my mind making me feel my father in law is going to set the house on fire as I sleep.. Here's how this thought came to be; After being triggered a few times with my father in laws secretive behaviors...he asked me about mowing the backyard. My mind took this one phrase and flipped it 100 times. Now I feel that he really means he wants to set the backyard on fire. Idk. But. i do. Its not logical yet I will sit up all night tonight checking my cameras so I don't burn alive. The fear is real and the thoughts feel legit....its a whirl pool in my head during these episodes. I hate it. Typically, I think I'm going to be killed. One epidsode, I thought someone put a bomb under my car and driving would activate the explosive device. I sat frozen for an hour, terrified.
This is one issue that compresses toxic and abusive relationships in my life. Because I have these thoughts, I cant trust myself.