I'm hoping find some advice..... The back story to my cur

I'm hoping find some advice.....

The back story to my current situation is somewhat lengthy, so I'll try to sum it up. My first real relationship was very abusive. Sexually and emotionally, and very controlling. Down to how I pour water or stir food. It caused a lot of problems for each relationship that came after I left him. I usually left before any relationship could get serious. Tried to make one work because he seemed like a solid, good guy. Then I got pregnant and he left.

About 2 and a half years ago I met someone, and fell for him, but I got scared he'd never feel the same, so I left him. There were other issues also, but I didn't know how to work on them or confront them.

He kept trying to stay in contact over the last year and a half, and recently told me he loves me. That he did when I left him, but he was too nervous to tell me. We've started talking again, and spent Christmas weekend together. Things were going great between us, and I was really comfortable around him, able to be myself without feeling nervous at all. But after we were intimate, I hurt more than it should've and I bled, but I was afraid to tell him. I didn't want him to be mad. A friend convinced me to tell him that it was still hurting, and he did handle it normal. Like a good man would, I guess. He was frustrated that I didn't say anything, but very sensitive to my past and understanding.

I don't know if it triggered some of what happened while with my ex, but now I'm extremely nervous around him cuz I don't want him to see how shaken up I feel. Not because of him, but I guess....it feels like if open that door to telling him when I'm hurting down there, then all the motions from being hurt by my ex come flooding back and all I want to do is hide how I feel till I can curl up in the dark and cry my eyes out. Should I tell him this is how I'm feeling and possibly confuse him or irritate him? Or, just sort through these feelings till I get a handle on it by myself?

there are a few different points that come to mind. Relationships are built on trust, and for you, you haven't had a lot of good experiences with trust, so learning how to trust another person you are vulnerable with is going to be a journey in of itself (so be nice to yourself). Also, part of trust building, is being vulnerable, and allowing the other person to respect and hold our vulnerability with care and love. If we never give it, those opportunities are lost. It is easier to try out smaller vulnerabilities that big ones, if we see they use those vulnerabilities to manipulate or hurt us, we can jump ship knowing that this person is not worthy of our love. If they cherish, and hold our vulnerabilities with care we can trust to give them more. Part of building trust is honesty. You are not a perfect person, and neither is he. Pretending everything is okay when it isn't, isn't fair to you, him, or the relationship. I wonder how you can balance your needs, along with the relationship? lots of hugs to you!

He had wanted to get together for new years. If he still does, I'm going to talk to him about it. I'll be less emotional then, so hopefully it'll be easier to open up to him. He's very caring when it comes to the things my ex did to me.

From Substance Abuse to Mental & Physical Abuse